


The Seven Betrayals of Lena Luthor

by WishaDream



Series: Lena in Limbo (part 3 in supercorp series) [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), supercorp - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dark World, Dream World, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, It's all a dream, Nightmare World, Protective Kara Danvers, because you know i just love the angst juice, broken Lena, but you should know this if you've been reading the series, evil Lena, i don't mean it to be, i never know what to do, idk what else to put here, is the description misleading?, lena gets hurt over and over again, lena tries to protect herself by pushing kara away, part of a series, plug for rest of the series, some people almost die, some people die, story continues where last one left off, world of dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 24,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27884200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishaDream/pseuds/WishaDream
Summary: In limbo Lena finds herself in a world without hope. without love. a world without (dramatic pause) Supergirl.After suffering a fatal gunshot wound, Lena awakens in a world remarkably similar to the one she left, save one exception, there is no Supergirl.At least, not as she knows her. But then, Lena is not herself as she comes to in a world where girls fall from the sky.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: Lena in Limbo (part 3 in supercorp series) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892470
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm the type of person who hate waiting to give a gift but wants to give it right away.  
> So with that in mind, here's your present. open it.  
> of course its socks. what did you expect on a five dollar budget? They are supercorp themed, your favorite.  
> ....oh, alright here's a story too. Happy Merry Holiday season.

_“If we had met under different circumstance where I had always known your secret, do you think we’d be in a better place right now? Or do you think we were always destined to be set against one another.”_

White with only the sound of a constant ringing stretching out into eternity.

This was it.

The end of everything.

Then she took in a sharp breath, coming awake as her eyes fluttered open.

For a moment she didn’t know where she was as confusion made her heart flutter with panic.

Around her the room was dark, the only light coming from behind a heavy curtain. As her eyes adjusted to the dark she made out a bookcase on one side of the room. Each of the shelves was filled with various trophies and plaques declaring the owner’s accomplishments.

Next to the case sat a desk with a computer and books along with stacks of papers in various states of use.

As she took in the objects she started to recall where she was. Her bedroom. Not back home, but at her family’s winter chalet.

It was winter break and she was with her family on vacation in the mountains.

Her door burst open then as her older brother popped his head into the room.

“Seriously? Are you going to spend all break sleeping? I expected better of you, Stasia.”

She stuck out her tongue at him before letting out a laugh, “I’ll be out in a minute.”

A minute later she met her brother in the hall. He was dressed in snow pants and a heavy coat with goggles hanging around his neck. Lena was dressed in similar garb, the goal of the day being to explore the surrounding mountain terrain.

Lena had been so excited the night before about the prospect of going on this adventure with her brother she’d barely slept. Though she hadn’t gotten more than a few hours of sleep she felt as energized as if she’d had a full night’s rest.

Lex was ten years older than her so they didn’t have too much in common. Even without the age gap she always felt like there was something keeping him from fully connecting to her.

At first she thought it was something intellectual so she’d studied up on the things that interested him. She’d proven herself to be smarter than most kids her age, almost at a similar level to her brother when he was her age.

When Lex realized this he started to take an interest in her as he pushed her to compete with him in various feats of intellect. Science. Math. History. But eventually he’d grown bored as he told her she wasn’t ready to compete with him intellectually.

Without her brother’s attention Lena was left feeling alone ago: a common feeling that encompassed most of her childhood.

What was she missing and what did she have to do to stop feeling so hollow?

So alone.

But that day she had her brother’s attention. She focused on that instead of the worry that he would eventually grow tired of her again.

The mountain was cold, bleak, but she pressed on as her brother drilled her on the landscape and various fauna growing in the harsh conditions.

After a time he drilled her on the things someone could use to survive in that climate.

Lena answered every one of his questions, receiving a pleased smile from her brother before he moved on to the next flurry of questions.

“Hypothermia affects the brain and a person’s ability to think. Let’s see how that works.”

At that, Lex ordered Lena to remove her coat.

Even with the coat she’d been shivering as they’d been out there for a few hours. When she did not immediately remove her coat her brother’s mouth set in a look of displeasure.

Realizing she was about to lose her brother’s attention she unzipped her coat, quickly tossing it to the side. Under that she still had on a light jacket as well as long johns, but even with all that she started to shiver as if she’d just been plunged into cold water.

Lex smiled, “Okay, first question.”

Before he could say anything there was a loud boom and a bright flash of light. Both looked up as a bright streak of light flamed across the sky as it rumbled towards earth. As soon as it collided with the ground they felt the mountain shake beneath their feet. The rumbling didn’t stop as Lex turned back to look at the snowcapped peaks. There was a great crack as the snow started to roll down like a white waterfall.

“Avalanche!” called Lex as he started to run.

Lena heard the roar grow in volume further up the mountain as she watched a large chunk of the mountain break away from the rest of it as it snow spilled down the face of the mountain. Though she knew they couldn’t actually outrun an avalanche she joined her brother in running.

She remembered screaming for her brother as the roaring grew closer like the sound of a lion in pursuit of its prey.

They both ran as fast as they could, but Lex was faster with his longer legs.

Panic rose in her chest as she watched the distance between them grow, like a physical manifestation of the reality that was her life, she found herself left behind. Left alone as her brother disappeared from her sight as her whole world went white. 

  
  


White and nothing else.

White and the feeling of tumbling like in a dryer of freshly bleached towels. Crashing and rolling with nothing to stop her.

Then the world went still as she heard nothing. Nothing but the sound of her heart pounding in her chest.

She didn’t know how long she was encased in that marble tomb before a light broke through from above. She was blinded for a moment before her vision cleared enough to see past the beam of light. What she saw could only be described as the face of an angel. The angel who had fallen from the stars. 


	2. Chapter 2

Lena awoke in her bedroom, sunlight spilling through the open curtain.

Lex was asleep in the chair next to her bed. When she called his name he stirred, coming fully awake when he saw she was up.

‘”Dad!”

After alerting his father he came back to her side as he took her hand in his. She smiled, hugging him close as she told him, “I’m so glad you are okay. I’d thought you’d been buried beneath the snow.”

Their father came into the room, looking relieved to see her awake as he hugged her close, “When I saw you lying in the snow I thought the worst.”

Lena pulled back, confusion in her eyes and voice as she said, “What do you mean? You didn’t find me; I floated down the mountain with the angel.”

Her brother and father exchanged worried looks.

Lex was the first to speak as he told her, “I should have made sure you were keeping up when the avalanche hit. I was sure you had been caught up in it, but when Dad and I came looking for you we found you lying on the surface of the snow. You were pretty out of it, mumbling something as you faded in and out of consciousness. And you had a fever.”

“We were sure we were going to lose you,” stated her father, his voice sounding tight with emotion.

Though she was glad to know they’d worried she couldn’t understand why they were saying these things.

“That’s not true. I was pulled out of the snow by a glowing girl. She saved me and brought me back down the mountain to you. You hadn’t even left yet.”

Lex shook his head, “’Stasia, does any of that make sense? People don’t glow. And they don’t float.”

“But she fell from the stars.”

Their father looked at Lex as if his son could help him understand Lena better.

“She’s talking about the comet that started the avalanche,” Lex frowned as he looked at her, “It was just an asteroid. Dad and I found it while you were out.”

He held up a green rock that looked to be glowing.

“There was no girl.”

But it had felt so real, the relief she had felt at seeing the girl’s face. The warmth of her arms as she’d carried Lena as they floated down the mountain.

Though she knew her brother had to be right, a girl that could fly, that had fallen from the sky could not exist, she found herself arguing with him. Insisting that she had existed.

“You’ve been asleep for two weeks with a fever,” stated her father, “it probably feels so real because of that. It seems to still be affecting mind. Get some more sleep. When you wake up again I know you’ll realize it was nothing more than a dream.”

Though at the time she still felt like it couldn’t have been only a dream eventually she did believe them.

Her father and brother were right. Girls did not fall from heaven and they did not float across the snow like gravity had no hold on them.

It had all just been a fever dream. A dream that continued to haunt her for years afterwards. Some nights she’d dream of the girl playing with her at the chalet. Or running through the snow throwing snowballs. But these were all just memories her mind created to make her feel less lonely.

In her dreams the girl’s bright smile made the halls seem less dark. Made her feel less alone.

But the girl was just a dream. No more real than unicorns or promises kept.

Eventually she stopped dreaming about the girl as she grew up and moved on with her life.

The girl she had once dreamed of every night became nothing more than a distant memory. Something she barely recalled, like the face of an old friend. A face she thought she’d never see again—until she did.


	3. Chapter 3

Lena was at a college party when spotted a familiar face that made her heart stall.

Even in a crowd of people, with bodies pressed together tightly, the woman stood out, appearing like the ghost of a memory. Lena blinked, finding the woman to still be there, glowing like the sun.

As she moved Lean realized she was not actually glowing like in her dreams, it was just the lights shining behind her as she danced, moving in a carefree and wild manner. Suddenly she stopped, turning her head back and forth like she’d heard something over the pulsing music. Her eyes shifted across the crowd, her gaze ceased its movement as it fixed on Lena. Their eyes were drawn to one another’s like magnets.

Lena felt her heart jerk as the girl seemed to float towards her, but when she looked down her feet were touching the ground as she stepped to the space in front of her.

Her smile was bright, rainbow lights reflecting in the cerulean ocean of her eyes.

Lena shook away the feeling of familiarity, reminding herself it had been forever since she’d first imagined the angel girl. At this point she couldn’t possibly recall her face. She was just projecting the memory onto this woman now.

Though she resembled her imaginary friend there were several differences. For one, she spoke English with a Slavic accent. The girl had not spoken either language, but something Lena never heard again.

And she was older than the girl. Which made sense.

In Lena’s dreams she remained the same age as the day they had met, trapped in the amber of memories.

This wasn’t her.

But as she looked into the stranger’s eyes she saw recognition and a look like someone who had been longing to see you for years.

In a moment she was incased in a hug as Lena felt her feet being lifted off the ground as the woman spun her about while letting out excited squeals.

“I found you.”

Lena’s heart pounded in her chest, a mix of surprise and joy as she too felt like she’d found a piece of herself she’d been missing. Then her feet were back on the ground as she instantly came back to reality.

Pushing the girl away she reminded her, “I’m sorry, I think you have me confused with someone else. I don’t know who you are.”

The girl looked hurt, her smile dropping along with her shoulders.

Lena started to apologize, immediately stopping herself as she reminded herself she didn’t know this girl. Even if she looked exactly how Lena thought the imaginary girl should look. She couldn’t be her. She was real and that girl had not been.

Unless this was some psychotic break.

It could be the case. She had been working extra hard on her thesis project and mental strain was sure to set in at some point. Lex might have been able to handle all the stress when he’d been in school, but she had never been as strong as him.

She felt a hand touch her shoulder as a voice behind her inquired, “Who is this?”

She looked back, smiling as she saw her friend Andrea staring directly at the blonde.

“I don’t know. We just met.”

The blonde frowned, her brow dropping into a scowl as she glared at Lena’s friend. Instinctively Lena stepped between the two as she recalled dreams of the girl’s eyes shooting lasers that set trees on fire.

But it had just been a dream.

She extended her hand as she said, “I’m Lena Luthor and this is Andrea Rojas.”

The girl continued to glare at Andrea as she replied, “Redson.” Then her eyes returned to Lena, her expression brightening as she said, “Lena, I have missed you more than you’ll ever know.”

The words sent her heart fluttering. No one had ever missed her. Even when she’d had a lover she never felt like they missed her when she was gone.

Her feelings of detachment always ended the relationship before she could start to feel whole. Not that she ever thought she’d find that feeling with anyone. But she always kept looking. Searching for that missing piece she felt was living separate from her.

Now with the girl standing in front of her real. Whole. She wondered if she hadn’t found that missing piece.

“It was nice meeting you, Redson,” stated Andrea as she started to pull Lena away.

Before she could take her, the blonde’s hand flashed out quick as lightning as she took a hold of Lena’s wrist. A spark passed between them sending shivers through Lena’s body.

“Please don’t go. I’ve waited so long to see you.”

There was an ache to the girl’s voice that awakened a similar longing in Lena’s chest. A wish to never leave her side again.

Lena was so focused on the girl she didn’t notice when Andrea tugged at her other hand, before firmly saying her name, “Lena.”

She looked back as Andrea motioned with her head, “Let’s get out of here.”

Though she knew she should go she found herself looking back at the blonde who held galaxies in her eyes.

“Go on. I want to stay.”

Lena did not check to see if Andrea agreed as she let herself be pulled away by the blonde.

People instantly parted around the blonde like she had some kind of presence that told them not to linger. While the invisible aura made others want to move away, it only made Lena move closer as she hurried to keep up.

Once they were outside Redson turned to face her, smiling brightly as she moved in close, taking Lena’s hands in her own as she breathed her name, “Lena.”

Just hearing the way she said her name sent a jolt up Lena’s body, “Why do you say my name like you know me?”

“Because I do, Lena. You are Lena Luthor. My snow radish.”

“Snow radish.”

The girl smiled with a look like she was remembering back, “Because I dug you up from the snow.”

Lena felt another jolt course through her body. This one filled with panic as she recalled the girl’s face looking down at her through the hole in the tomb of snow. The feeling of her hand in hers as she pulled her to the surface. The strength in her arms as she carried Lena as they floated together down the mountainside.

But that had all been a dream. A memory brought on by the fever she had fought after her father and brother had saved her from the mountain. Not this girl. It had been her brother who had found her. It had been her father who had carried her down the mountain.

Lena pulled back, “No. You weren’t there. It was my brother and father who saved me. You aren’t real.”

Her head was pounding as she pressed her hands against it while dreams and reality fought for dominance in her mind. Again she felt like she was buried in the snow as she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. Another set of arms wrapped around her, instantly warming her as the blonde rested her head against Lena’s back.

“I am real. As real as you.”

Lena shivered as the girl spun her around in her arms. Again Lena felt that magnetic pull as she met Redson’s eyes.

The girl’s gaze was intense as she told Lena, “I’ve never forgotten you,” her brows furrowed in a look of pain as she asked, “Did you forget me?”

Lena searched her face looking for any kind of deception.

This had to be a joke. Someone must have found out about her past trauma and was using it against her now.

But when Lena studied Redson’s face she only saw sincerity and…love.

Her heart longed to return the feeling as she reached up, gently touching the girl’s face as she assured her, “I could never forget you.”

The girl’s smile put the sun to shame as she put her own hand against Lena’s cheek as she wiped away a tear with her thumb. As Lena pressed Kara’s hand in closer she turned her face into the hand as she kissed the heel of her hand. She wasn’t brave enough to do anything more.

Redson’s eyes burned like two blue flames as she watched Lena’s lips press into her palm.

Then like they both saw the same signal they moved as one, pressing their lips to one another’s. Lena cupped the back of the blonde’s head with her free hand as Redson used hers to pull Lena in closer. Lena’s other hand was pinned between their bodies as she gripped Redson’s shirt, bunching the fabric between her fingers as she held it tight like letting go would mean losing the girl again.

The kiss was like an avalanche. A rush of emotions that buried them both with the feelings that had been building up since that first encounter. Since that first avalanche.

But unlike that first time, she wasn’t scared when she found herself buried because this time she knew for sure she would see the sun again.

And she did when she pulled back to take a breathe, feeling the light on her face as Redson smiled.

“Where did you go? Why did my father tell me you didn’t exist?”

The sun was overcast by stormy clouds as Redson frowned, “Your father took me away from you. I never wanted to leave your side.”

The words felt like a knife through her chest as she stumbled back.

No. It couldn’t be the truth. Her father had been so adamant that it had been a dream. He had worked so hard to help her overcome the trauma and move past her fantasies.

Her eyes widened as she realized that that was exactly something someone would do who wanted someone to forget the truth.

Her breath hitched as she realized her father had gaslighted her. Told her everything she had remembered was a lie in order to keep her from remembering the truth.

She felt herself drop to the ground as her mind spun with the question of why?

Why had he lied?

What had been the purpose in making her believe she had had a mental break?

Redson looked worried as she knelt in front of her, “Are you okay?” Her eyes scanned her body for a moment before coming back to her eyes, “I don’t see any injuries.”

Before Lena could tell her she was suffering injuries of a mental nature the girl looked off to the side like a dog hearing something on a different frequency. Her eyes came back to Lena’s, her voice sounding pained as she admitted, “I have to go.”

Lena grabbed at her as she started to stand, “What do you mean? We’ve just found each other. You can’t go. I still have so many questions. So many things I want to say.”

The girl did not look like she wanted to go either as she squeezed Lena’s hand, “I’m sorry. I have to go. But I *will* come back. I promise.”

Then she was gone and Lena was alone again.

Alone and feeling emptier than she had been before. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to first meeting

Lena thought she was dreaming as she gazed up at the glowing face of the angel.

“Am I dead?”

The girl smiled in answer as she offered her hand. Lena took it. The hand felt solid in hers as the girl pulled her out of the hole. She did not look to struggle at all, lifting Lena out as easily as if she was filled with stuffing.

Once she was back on the surface she started to shiver, her jacket wet from the tumble. But the girl did not shiver even though her feet were bear and she was wearing nothing more than a thin white dress.

“Are you angel?”

The girl’s cerulean eyes sparkled in the light coming off her face. Her expression was so bright Lena had to look away. She shifted her eyes towards the mountain, whose landscape had been completely changed with the mass of snow. Snow which now covered the path her and Lex had taken up the mountainside. She did not even recognize the area as panic gripped her chest.

“Lex.”

Her voice broke as she realized she did not see him anywhere.

“Lex!”

There was no reply, only the sound of the wind blowing through the trees.

She took a step, collapsing under the shifting snow. A sharp pain shot up the length of her leg as she cried out in pain.

Instantly the girl was at her side. From the ground Lena noticed that the girl’s feet were not touching the ground as she floated above the surface of the snow which sent up dancing flakes of white around the girl’s toes as she passed over it.

Though this scared her, Lena found herself grabbing onto the girl as she pulled her down to her level, “Help me find my brother. Please. He must be under the snow.”

The girl’s expression didn’t change as she stared at Lena, her focus seeming only to be on her and her well-being.

Lena motioned back to the snow as she pointed at it, “Buried. My brother is buried.”

She cupped her hand as she started to dig at the snow.

The girl frowned before understanding lit up her eyes as she turned them down to the snow. Her eyes narrowed as she glared at the powder. Then she blinked, looking back at Lena as she gave her a sad smile. It seemed to say that she had not found anything beneath the snow. But how could she know for sure?

Feeling frustrated, Lena pushed up and away from the girl as she did her best to stay upright as she trudged forward. Then she wasn’t touching the ground at all as she found herself being carried bridal style by the angel.

The girl’s smile was soft as her eyes seemed to say, “I’ve got this.”

In her arms, the two started floating down the mountain. It had taken her and Lex forty-five minutes to get up the mountain, but in the arms of angel it took no time at all.

Just as they reached her family chalet her father and brother were coming out, talking amongst themselves about how they would perform the search for Lena.

Both looked surprised when they spotted her in the arms of the otherworldly being.

Seeing Lex was fine, Lena felt instant relief as the adrenaline that had been keeping her upright finally wore out as she felt herself pass out. 

___

Adult Lena woke from the dream. A memory she had not thought about in years, reawakened at having seen the angel again.

No.

Not angel.

A girl called Redson whose feet touched the ground.

A girl her father had hidden the truth about.

But why? Why had he tried to hide her existence from Lena?

She dropped back against her pillow, feeling her breath even out as she pictured the girl’s face.

In her mind she aged up her memory of the girl. The blue eyes gazing into hers. The blonde hair encircling the girl’s head like beams of light. And her pink lips pressing against Lena’s making the hole in her heart fill.

Was that why her father had wanted to keep them apart, because he’d sensed the girl was the missing piece in Lena’s life.

Now that she’d found her she wasn’t going to forget her again.


	5. Chapter 5

A year passed and Lena did not see even a glimpse of the blonde at school or anywhere else.

Not wanting to feel the girl’s absence, she focused all her energies into her studies and research. It paid off as she gained grants and funding for her various projects.

Her relationship with Andrew moved from friendship to partnership as the two found themselves working on several projects together. Eventually that relationship changed as well as Lena found herself falling for the woman.

Andrea made her feel things she’d never felt before. Needed. Appreciated. Accepted. Feelings her family had never awakened in her.

After finding out about her father’s lies Lena distanced herself from her family. The same one that had made her think for years that she wasn’t completely in her right mind.

Instead of acting sorry for it, when she confronted them her mother only told her, “You wouldn’t let the girl go after she left. But she was gone, returned to her own family. And when you continued to insist on seeing her again your father thought it would be better if you just forgot her.”

“Why didn’t you just let me see her?”

“Because her family was from another country. And you had only known her a few days. Your father believed the trauma of almost being buried alive in an avalanche made you especially cling to her. I’m sure she was glad to be free of you.”

On Lex’s end, her brother was apologetic as he explained, “Dad said it was for your best. That you were unwell. Who was I to argue?”

Though she was grateful for the apology she would have rather had her brother stand up for her. Would rather he’d protected her. Saved her from years of questioning herself, her memories, her mental health. From thinking she was someone who could not separate fantasy from reality. Someone who would eventually completely lose their grip on reality.

  
  


As soon as she decided to distance herself from her family she felt relief. Felt lightened at the prospect of never having to interact with them again.

Without her family her life would be so much better. Especially now that she had Andrea it.


	6. Chapter 6

Andrea was amazing. Just as smart and driven as Lena herself. And she challenged her in a way that did not make her feel less like Lex always had.

More time passed and the two moved in together as they both worked to finish their masters degrees.

On Christmas breaks they’d go to Andrea’s to spend time with her family. Time with them reinforced in Lena’s mind how unhealthy her family dynamic had been.

On the journey back Andrea checked to make sure Lena didn’t want to visit her family the next year. But Lena insisted she was done with them.

“All they ever do is lie to me. I can’t trust them. You are the only one I can trust now. The only one who has ever cared for me. They never did. I’ve only ever been a pawn in their games. A tool to stroke their egos. They never really cared for me.”

Andrea always looked sad for Lena’s sake making her love the woman more. She reached out, brushing away the tears that had escaped from Lena’s eyes as she assured her, “I’m sorry they hurt you, but I will never do that.”

The promise filled the space in Lena’s heart making her feel whole.

___

Each day Lena texted Andrea or left a reminder with her that let her know she was thinking of her. That she cared.

She never wanted anyone to feel as she had with her family. Like they weren’t appreciated. Like they weren’t enough. Like they weren’t wanted.

Though she was tired by the time she got home she always stopped to pick up fresh produce which she would take home to turn into a delicious meal for her and Andrea to enjoy together.

This went on for a year as Lena poured everything she had into her relationship and career. Every so often someone would remind her, “careful not to burn your candle at both ends” But she would assure them she was fine.

She was the happiest she had ever been. With Andrea she finally felt complete. Whole.

And once again she’d forgotten the blonde with the snow kissed lips. 

____

One day at dinner Andrea was especially quiet. Lena understood the silence; she did not always feel like talking after a long day.

While Andrea remained silent, she filled the air with a rendition of her day’s events.

“—or course Lorraine thought I was insane, said it couldn’t be done, but I showed her.”

She laughed lightly, waiting for Andrea to say something, or at least to react.

She got nothing.

“Andrea, is everything okay?”

She reached across the table, watching as Andrea startled at her touch.

The reaction sent her back to when she was a little girl, reaching out for Lillian Luthor’s hand as the woman pulled away.

She shook off the feeling as she reminded herself Andrea wasn’t like that.

Andrea cared about her.

“Andrea.”

The woman wouldn’t look at her as she pulled her hand back to herself. Lena sat straighter, sensing impending bad news.

Andrea had been fired.

Her father was sick.

Instead Andrea gave her the news, “I’m getting married.”

Lena’s brow furrowed in confusion, “Is this your way of proposing? I must say it’s rather unorthodox, but I’m not going to say I’m against it.”

Andrea shook her head, her jawline tightening as she swallowed, “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. I’m getting married to Russell Rogers.”

Lena’s own jawline flexed, “Russell Rogers? Your lab assistant. The one you are always complaining about.”

“I only complain because he can be frustrating but—he also makes me happy.”

Lena’s breathe caught in her throat, preventing her from saying, from screaming, “I thought I made you happy.”

“I’m sorry, Lena. I never meant for this to happen, but he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I should have told you this a long time ago, but it just happened so fast I didn’t even realize it had happened till he was down on one knee asking me. I really just thought it was a passing fling, but when he asked I heard myself say yes.”

Lena felt like she was spinning opposite to the world. Like she was in another dimension where the world was falling apart around her.

Andrea reached out, touching her hand.

This time she pulled away.

“But you had to have seen this coming. We’ve barely been spending any time together. This is the first meal we’ve eaten together in ages.”

Lena’s mind struggled to think back, to recall the signs that Andrea claimed had been so obviously there. To those times that should have let her know that things were falling apart around her. But all she could think was “I thought we made each other happy. I thought you were going to be my forever.”

Tears stung her eyes as she struggled to breathe.

How could this be happening?

After all she’d been through. After all that had happened to her. She’d thought she’d finally found her support. But now, she realized, as everything was crashing down around her Andrea had been her only support. Now with her gone Lena had nothing else holding her up as she fell into the void. Into the unknown where she’d never find a way out.

“I’m so sorry.”

That was it.

In a single moment, two years of “I love you’s” and “I need you’s” were gone. Destroyed. Burned to ashes along with all the memoires. Every sweet moment ruined in a single instance.

It took Andrea less time to move out than it had to move in, then she was gone. And the space left by her was not just mental but also physical. The emptiness unbearable.

The towel rack by the sink only held one towel now. The holder on the sink only held one single lonely toothbrush. The hair Andrea had stuck on the shower wall in her hurry to get ready in the morning was soon washed away with time. The indention she’d left on the couch when she’d been working soon forgot her shape. And the space she’d occupied in Lena’s bed eventually lost her scent.

Then nothing was left but the ache for all the things that could have been. And Lena was left feeling less than before. The hole in her widening like a hungry mouth with nothing to fill it.

And Lena swore to never love again.

  
  


It was when she was at her lowest, not long after Andrea had left that Lex appeared on her doorstep.

She would admit she was a little surprised to see her brother, but most surprising of all was what he said, “I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> made myself cry in this chapter. Oh precious baby lena. You are too good. Too pure for this world. I truly am the worst.]


	7. Chapter 7

Lex brought Lena onto his research and development team at Luthor Corp.

At first she just worked on whatever project interested her. There was an oculus project that allowed one to see a computer display they could access with their eye movements. Then where were Cybernetics that would help those who had lost movement in their legs allowing them to walk again.

After a year of that Lex brought her in on a special project. Project Red Sun.

“Superman only reminds us that there is a greater threat out there.”

They were at Lex’s apartment when he got her up to speed on what Project Red Sun entailed.

Out on his balcony he pointed up to the stars as he said, “Aliens. More and more of them are coming to earth. Some as powerful or more powerful than Superman.”

Lena frowned as she recalled the recent attack by a Kryptonian named General Zodd. It had not been a small attack but one that had left the city in shambles. In the wake of the battle Lex had pledged to use his resources to help the city rebuild.

“I want to make weapons that humans can use to protect themselves against the alien threat. Things that regular citizens can use.”

Lena’s jaw flexed. They both knew weaponry wasn’t her preferred area of work.

“I don’t want to be naive about this, Stasia. I know not all aliens are bad, but if any others like that Zodd character get it into their heads to conquer the human population I want us to be ready. I want us to have the means to defend ourselves.”

Though she didn’t like the idea of creating weapons of destruction, she preferred making things that healed people, she knew Lex was right. Sometimes in order to protect people you had to give them the means to defend themselves. And with her on the team she could make sure that things never went too far. If they started to she knew Lex would listen to her.

He was the only one she trusted now.

It wasn’t like when they were kids. Lex saw her as an equal now. He conferred with her on things. He sought her advice and insight on important things. He trusted her expertise and saw her as an asset.

Lena accepted the new job as she got to work creating guns that could pierce the strongest armor. Shields that could project a protective barrier that would withstand the strongest force damage.

Another year of this work passed before Lex told her about his latest discovery, “I have found Superman’s weakness.”

He held up a green stone that glowed with an otherworldly light, “I call it Kryptonite. Apparently it comes from the Superman’s home world. It causes him great pain and weakens him. But there isn’t much of it. I’d like to create more in case we are ever attacked by more Kryptonians.”

Lena hesitated, but in the end she agreed as she knew Lex always did what was best for humanity.

“I trust you to take care of us.”

She got to work synthesizing more Kryptonite. After several months of work she produced a red version of the rock. It put out a different kind of energy.

“But I don’t know what it will do to a Kryptonian. From the read outs I have theories. Its readouts are volatile and lead me to believe they would turn Superman into a raging animal. In my opinion, this stone should be destroyed.”

Lex smiled as he seemed transfixed by the red glow, “Don’t worry, I’ll send it to my other team. They’ll be able to test it.” At Lena’s frown he added, “and if it proves as you theorize we’ll destroy it.”

Another frown, more suspicious, “How are you going to test it without an actual Kryptonian?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Lex’s voice was sharper than she would have liked as she felt herself bristle with concern.

What was her brother hiding?

Pushing away her concern she got back to work. Eventually she succeeded in making a copy of the Kryptonite that had the same energy outputs as the original.

“The only problem is if it is broken it becomes inert. But its radiation is much stronger than real Kryptonite.”

Lex looked pleased as he thanked her. The praise made her heart swell with pride at having been a benefit to her brother’s cause.

“I think it’s finally time you joined the A-team on Project Red Sun.”

Her eyebrow lifted, “A-team?”

  
  


The next day Lex flew her to a top secret base where he said the bulk of the research was being done.

The first person to greet them as they got off the plane was Lillian Luthor herself.

The woman wore her usual sour expression, the one she always wore whenever Lena was around, as she focused all her attention on Lex as she asked, “What is she doing here?”

“I told you I was bringing a new asset in on the project.”

Lillian’s frown deepened as she ran her eyes over Lena, her lip curling with disgust, “I do not think that is a good idea. She does not have the mental fortitude for our endeavors.”

Before Lena could say anything in her defense, Lex stepped up, “Mother, I did not ask your opinion. Lena has proven herself more than capable and she is joining you on this project. If you don’t like that you can take it up with HR,” Lex started to grin as he went, “Oh, that’s me. And I’ve already made my decision. Now move.”

Lena had never felt closer to her brother as she followed him into the building, “And what are we working on here?”

“Most of the work is going into building a super suit that will allow a normal human to take on the strongest alien.”

“You mean Superman.”

In all the years of working with her brother she had started to think her brother was a little obsessed with the man of steel. Unhealthily so.

She couldn’t tell if he really admired the alien, had fallen in love with him, or if there was something far darker in his fascination.

She tried not to think about the latter. Her brother was the only one she had left after all. That and the work he provided her.

Lex took her to a room where a group was working on the suit. Someone was inside it, using one of the super guns she’d developed to shoot through a stone wall at least five feet thick. The gun was attached to the suits wrist, a new development to the design since she’d worked on it.

At the time she’d developed the gun it had too forceful a recoil for anything that wasn’t bolted down. But whoever was in the suit managed to keep their balance even with the recoil that remained in this new iteration of the gun.

Once the test was done and it was clear to move about the testing area, Lex introduced Lena to the scientists on the team. As Lena shook their hands her brother turned to the person in the suit as he said, “And this is--.”

Before he could say the suited scientist tore off their helmet as they let out an excited, “Lena!”

She saw a flash of blonde hair before she felt the impact of a body hitting hers as she was lifted into the air.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

Lena was surprised as she felt her heart flutter at the sight of the cherub-like face.

“Redson.”

Though it had been years since she’d last seen her, to her heart it felt like it was just yesterday, as the organ ached with longing.

“Lena,” went Lex, “This is Snowbird, a key component of Project Red Sun.”

Lena blinked with confusion as she looked from her brother back at the bouncing blonde, “What do you mean? How is she—I don’t—what?”

Lillian was frowning as she entered the room, looking like she’d just heard the most disgusting joke ever. “I told you she wasn’t ready for this. She can’t even comprehend what this—.”

Lex lifted his hand, cutting her off as he patiently explained, “Stasia, you two will be working closely together from now on.”

Lena barely heard her brother as all she could think was—here she was again. The woman of her literal dreams. The one she had longed to see again since she was a child. The one she had never stopped thinking about.

In that moment Lex could have told her the job would be cleaning toilets and it wouldn’t have mattered. Not since she had her angel with her again. 


	8. Chapter 8

With Lena on the team things on the project sped up.

She was able to help the team develop a way for the wrist gun to fire without throwing the wearer back. She also helped develop a lead lined containment field for a laser on the chest.

“What is going to be the laser component?”

“Kryptonite,” answered Lillian curtly, “This suit is made especially for combatting Kryptonians. With the synthetic Kryptonite housed in the chest a powerful blast of radiation can be fired from a distance. The concentrated hit should be as powerful as the stone is at close range.”

The woman typed something into her computer before adding, “Personally, I’m working on a way to bring up the strength so one hit will kill. But,” she frowned as she looked at Snowbird who was hovering near Lena’s elbow, “Lex won’t let me test it at full strength.”

As Lillian went back to checking a computer, Snow floated alongside Lena as she moved around the lab like a lost puppy.

In college she’d mistaken the girl for human, but now it was obvious to her that she was not of this world.

Just in that first day at the new lab she’d watched the woman carry objects far too heavy for normal humans. Objects that needed power lifters and robots to move them across a room. But Snow carried them as if they weighed nothing to her.

And then there was the fact that she floated everywhere, her heat hovering above the ground like it was not worthy to hold her.

When she asked Snow about it the girl told her, “Lex told me that gods don’t touch the ground. And a god is what I must be if I ever hope to defeat one.”

She had smiled brightly like she didn’t understand what she was saying. Though she spoke English perfectly now, Lena often wondered if she understood half the things she said.

Like the third day Lena worked at the lab, the girl came up and told her, “I love you.”

Did the alien know the full impact of those words?

Lena didn’t know how to respond to the words.

The woman’s bright smile made Lena believe a simple “Thank you” would cut her worse than a Kryptonite laser. But to say anything more, even just a simple “I like you too” was too much for Lena.

She had sworn off love. The only thing her heart needed now was the work Lex had given her. Unlike people, her work would never betray her.

Even after she didn’t respond, Snow did not leave Lena alone as she continued to follow her around like a shadow. 

  
  


“Can you give me a name?”

Lena looked up from the solution she’d been working on. Snow was watching her intently, like a child waiting for attention.

“You already have a name. Snowbird. Or Red Sun,” she frowned as she realized she didn’t know the girl’s full name.

Snow shook her head. “Red Sun is the name of the project I am a part of. Snowbird is a classification Lex gave me. But I do not have a name like you, Lena.”

She frowned as she watched the liquid bubble in the beaker, “You don’t need to have someone else give you a name. Pick one yourself.”

“I want you to pick my name for me.”

Lena frowned thoughtfully. This was a lot of responsibility. Something she wasn’t sure she wanted, or thought she deserved.

“What about Linda?”

The girl’s face scrunched.

“No? Okay. What about Melissa?”

She shook her head. One by one each name she suggested got turned down.

Lena chuckled, “You asked me to pick a name, but it’s obvious you already have one in mind.” She frowned as she realized, “What was your name before you came to earth?”

The girl looked hesitant to answer.

Was it something that could only be spoken in her native tongue? Something that was an embarrassing word in English?

She assured the girl it was fine as Snow mumbled something.

“What? I didn’t catch it.”

“Kara.”

“Kara?” She smiled, “That’s a pretty name.”

“You think so? When I told Lex I had a name he said he wanted me to forget my alien past and show my earth loyalties with an earthen name.”

Lena frowned, feeling annoyed by her brother’s words, “Lex is wrong. He doesn’t understand the value, the importance of a name. There is no harm in you going by your given name. You shouldn’t have to give it up to “fit in.” You should be able to keep it as a reminder of where you came from. A reminder of your parents who gave the name to you.”

The girl looked sad as her eyes dropped to the ground.

Was she thinking of her parents then? Lena wanted to ask her about them, but decided it was too personal. She didn’t want to get that close to Kara.

“I understand wanting to keep your name. When I moved in with the Luthors, Lex gave me the nickname Anastasia, in memory of the lost princess. In truth, I have never liked the nickname. Lena was the name my mother gave me.”

“Then why don’t you tell him?”

It was her turn to look away as she mumbled, “I wanted him to like me.”

“Because you do not like yourself.”

Lena’s eyes widened as she looked at the girl.

Her smile was soft, like she felt anything stronger would scare Lena away, “I can tell you are very sad. I could tell the first moment I met you, when I pulled out from the snow. You were lost then, scared and alone. And though you have grown you are just as lost now as you were then. Still calling out for the brother who left you behind.”

Lena felt a fire ignite in her chest as she objected, “He didn’t leave me. He was coming back to find me.”

“Coming back from having left you.”

Lena frowned, her brow furrowing as she considered the words. She shook them away before anything could settle in her mind.

“No. I need to get back to work.”

Clouds had gone over Kara’s expression as her shoulders dropped, “I am sorry. I will leave you alone.”

She watched the girl float, head down, as she moved to the door.

‘Kara.”

The girl stopped, looking back hopefully, “Yes?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to try it out.”

A smile broke through the clouds, lighting up her features as Lena felt her heart ache with longing.

“Kara. It really does suit you.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes. On earth it means love.”

Her heart rebelled at the word, thrashing like it was at a punk concert as she turned away from the brightness of Kara’s smile.

This girl was dangerous and she needed to stay away.

___

Lex had left after dropping Lena off.

Two weeks later he returned to check up on how things were going with the Red Sun project.

“The suit is coming along well,” answered Lena as she caught him up on all the improvements they had made.

“And how is Snowbird faring?”

The way he asked the question made her pause as she looked at her brother, “She has a far easier time using the suit than the human testers. Do we know yet what kind of alien she is?”

Lex picked up a tablet as he briefly skimmed the energy readouts from the suit. “Kryptonian,” Lena felt her eyes go wide as her brother turned at look at her, “If they are going to invade isn’t it best for us to have one of them on our side?”

It was only after he said the words that she realized she shouldn’t have been surprised.

Of course Kara was Kryptonian. She had all the same abilities as Superman. But it still took her a moment to shake off the stunned feeling.

By the time she shook it off her brother had left the room, off to find Lillian for an update on her Kryptonite laser.

How long had he known?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback

It was two years after the mountain rescue that Lena saw the Superman on TV.

The news reports showed him flying around and shooting lasers from his eyes as witnesses claimed he was a god come down to earth.

Her brother grumbled at this sentiment, lamenting over the problems this kind of thinking would cause the human race down the line.

“I can’t believe people are calling him a hero. They are basically handing control of the earth over to him.”

While she understood her brother’s concern, her focus was more on the Superman’s abilities. They reminded her of the girl from her dreams.

When she told Lex about the similarities between the girl and the alien superhero and how she believed the girl might also be a Kryptonian her brother frowned as he said, “Let’s hope not. We don’t need more of them. One is unfortunate circumstances, two is an invasion.”

But she could tell he was not worried. He knew better than her that the girl was just a dream.

She let his confidence calm her as she let herself believe what her family had always insisted. The girl was nothing more than a dream.

It was easier that way. 

  
  


By that point their father had passed away and Lex had taken over the family company. That left Lena alone in the huge Luthor manner with Lillian Luthor. The woman who had a special skill at making Lena feel like she was missing something. The biggest thing being a DNA connection to Lillian Luthor.

From the moment she set foot into the mansion at the age of six after her mother’s death she had been a constant thorn in Lillian’s side.

But things had felt a little better when the girl fell from the sky.

Even if it had all been just a dream, memories of running through the halls of the winter chalet together made her feel less alone. The magical girl brightened every moment, every room, making Lena feel less lonely. Feel whole. Because the girl from the stars did not make her feel like half a person, like Lillian, or like an experiment like with Lex. In the angel’s eyes she was perfect.

This feeling would fill her up inside, till she started to feel less hollow. Then she’d wake and remember that no matter how real it felt, like a memory long past, it was only a dream.

In those dreams the girl and her would communicate through body language and gestures. Though Lena spoke several languages the girl did not know any earthly tongue. At first she would look at Lena with a blank expression, but the more time they spent together the more she understood. The more they both understood about each other.

When Lillian got tired of hearing the pairs laughter as they ran through the home she would send them outside. Lena would wear her full winter gear and the girl would wear a jacket. She still did not look to feel the cold as she mimicked Lena in making snow balls with her bare hands.

She reacted with surprise and looked betrayed when Lena threw a powdered ball at her.

Lena quickly assured her it was a game as she instructed her to, “Throw one at me.”

The girl looked confused as Lena took a hold of her hand, moving it for her as she made her push the snowball against her chest.

“See. It’s a game.”

Understanding dawned in the girl’s eyes as she smiled.

Lena turned away for a moment to roll up two snowballs before turning back to find the girl had made a pile of them as tall as herself. As Lena watched the girl picked one up, her arms becoming a blur as she started to throw them at Lena, making the area around her explode like grenades had been thrown. Lena dove for cover. Over her head she heard the snowballs whistle past. Then the girl was standing above her a snowball gripped tightly in her hand.

Lena felt her heart in her throat as she realized this girl could destroy her.

As soon as the girl saw the fear in Lena’s eyes she dropped the ball, falling to her knees beside Lena as she quickly assured her in her strange language that she meant her no harm. Taking Lena’s hand in hers she looked to be assuring Lena that she hadn’t meant to scare her. That she would never hurt her.

Lena smiled as she squeezed her hand back, “I believe you.”

Within the girl’s hands Lena felt herself shiver. The girl frowned, noticing how Lena’s lips quivered with the cold. She pulled Lena to her feet, indicating she wanted to head back inside.

Lena held her back as she shook her head, “Lillian needs her space right now. She will want another hour alone.”

Even though the chalet was vast, easy to get lost in, Lillian often lamented how Lena managed to find herself under the woman’s feet too often. How it stressed her out to think that she might turn a corner and find the girl standing there.

_“I should be able to turn a corner in my own home without having to see your hateful face.”_

The blonde didn’t look to understand. Lena pulled at her hands, indicating that she wanted to head deeper into the woods.

Hand and hand they headed up the mountain, Lena pressing on even as her lungs started to ache with a feeling like icicles forming on her lungs.

She felt a tug as she looked back to find the girl had stopped. Another pull as the girl pointed down the hill towards home.

She shook her head.

Frowning, the girl turned her eyes away from Lena. She looked upset. Angry even.

Before Lena could say anything to comfort her a red light issued from the girl’s eyes, hitting a tree that exploded with the hit as it burst into flames Lena stepped back, startled as she looked back at the girl who was beaming like she’d done something good.

Motioning to the fire the girl pushed Lena towards it. She could feel the heat on her face even as her heart raced in her chest. The girl looked at her like she expected Lena to praise her, but seeing a girl fly was one thing. Nowhere near as frightening as seeing beams of destructive light issue from her eyes.

Who was she?

What was she?

But the girl didn’t look like she meant any danger. She looked more like she had only been trying to help Lena. To help her keep warm like when they were sitting by the fire at night drinking hot cocoa.

Smiling she thanked the girl as she felt the urge to pat her head in praise. She did as the girl started to beam brighter. Though she looked older than Lena, she acted as excited as a puppy.

Letting out a boisterous laugh, she proceeded to dance around the flames as the girl joined her, their laughter filling the air as Lena completely forgot the hole left in her heart by Lillian’s words.

But it had all been a fevered dream. Something she had imagined.

A kind of prophecy she thought when she saw the Superman. But Lex was adamant it was all just a coincidence. And he would know better. He was smarter, older, and more experienced.

And yet he still cared for her, even if it wasn’t always easy to see.

Even if everyone else in her family had given up on her, she knew Lex was always on her side. He would never do her wrong.

Of that she knew she could be sure. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex's side

The first moment Lex and his father saw the blonde girl they knew there was something special about her. The fact that she was floating only added to this theory. After that Lex and his father realized she could be a real asset to the Luthor name.

“We need to secure her for ourselves before some government agency scoops her up.”

Lex agreed with his father as he reminded him, “we need to find out where she came from.”

Lex recalled the object that had fallen from the skies. The thing that caused the avalanche that had almost robbed the world of his genius.

Together he and his father traveled up the mountain. It took several days but eventually they found and unearthed the object that had fallen from the skies: a spaceship. The spaceship that had brought this otherwordly being to earth.

While Lex saw the girl as something dangerous that needed to be destroyed his father assured him she was better to them alive.

After two weeks with the family, having bonded with each of them, it was easier for them to convince her to head out for a drive. From there Lex’s Dad took her away to a top secret facility where he would train her as the Luthor family’s personal weapon.

The only problem came when Lena insisted on seeing the girl again. Lex had told her that their father had returned her to her family, but Lena refuse to accept any of their reasons for why she couldn’t see the girl again.

Eventually it became too much of an annoyance to come up with excuses. That’s when Lex’s father came up with the plan to sedate her. When she woke up the family assured her that the girl had been nothing more than a dream. A figment of her imagination induced by her fevered state.

They made her believe she hadn’t actually spent any time with the golden haired girl. That she hadn’t been rescued by a stranger they had let run around their home, but had instead been in a coma for those two weeks.

It took them a month of correcting everything she said; of reminding her each time she objected that she hadn’t met the girl. That it had been Lex and their father who had brought her back down the mountain. That she’d spent two weeks dreaming of the girl and that none of the things she’d done with her during that time had been real.

Finally Lena started to believe them and they were able to continue their lives in peace.

After this experience Lena grew more distant, disappearing into her head as she withered socially. Lex on the other hand thrived as the whole experience reminded him just how easy it was to convince the simple minded of whatever you wanted them to believe. And how quickly they would lap up your lies for sanity and safety’s sake. 

____

For a year, Lex and his father worked together with a team of experts training their new weapon, finding out just how much she could do and what her limits were.

Through their efforts they found out she could not only float but also fly. They found out she was invulnerable to all attacks, that she was powered by the sun, and that her eyes shot lasers and her breath was cold enough to freeze things.

Then Lex’s father got sick, passing away within months and the young man was reminded that having a weapon did no one any good if you kept it locked away.

Research changed as he worked to see if he could use the solar-powered alien to create cures for common illnesses like cancer.

Things were going well until two years after her arrival. That was the day Superman appeared on the scene. Then everything once again changed for Lex.

He realized that more than helping the world he needed to save it, mostly from itself.

They so readily gave themselves up to this false god without any worry for what he might do with the power and honor they gave him. They did not realize the strength he used to save them might one day be turned against them for destruction.

But Lex had more insight than the rest of the world. Again his research changed on his alien as he looked into the ways he could use his weapon to take down the man of steel.

___

Lex realized it had been a mistake in teaching the alien to talk. Even if it made it easier for him to tell her what he wanted, it also meant that she could talk back. And when she talked she always said the same thing over and over again, “When see Lena?” the words were broken at first, having learned her English from a Kaznian teacher, but as time went on it became clearer, more structured, and more insistent, “When can I see Lena? I want to see Lena. When can I see her?”

Every time he’d promise her soon and every time she’d calm and nod, looking satisfied in the thought that soon would come eventually. But Lex had no plans of taking her to Lena. She was a weapon, not some love sick puppy.

Several years passed with this back and forth that grew longer and longer with each passing year.

“I want to see Lena. When can I see Lena?”

“Soon.”

“When is soon?”

“As soon as we finish training.”

‘When is training finished?”

“When it’s finished.”

“How long have we been training for?”

“Not that long.”

“How long is “not long?”

“I’ll let you know when we are nearing the end.”

“Are we nearing the end now?”

“Not yet.”

“I want to see Lena. When are you going to let me see Lena?”

Eventually Lex had had enough as he slammed his fists down on the table, “You are never going to see Lena, okay?! You don’t need to see her. She is not important to what we are doing here! We are doing something far bigger than you or Lena or even me. We are changing the world and that is not going to happen if you keep on bothering me with these constant asinine questions!”

The girl’s jaw set and for a moment Lex thought she was going to reach across the table to crush his windpipe. Instead she let out a slow breath, calming as she let out a simple, “Okay.”

He blinked, surprised it had worked as he replied, “You’ll drop it? You see it’s not important to what we are doing that you see Lena.”

“I’ll drop it.”

Lex smiled to himself. Maybe the girl wasn’t as emotionally driven as he’d thought. Sometimes reasoning with people did work.

Then he got the news that Project Red Sun had escaped from the facility and he knew that though he’d rather not have to admit it he needed his sister. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not gonna lie, writing kara’s part in this chapter really made me tear up, poor baby!]


	11. Chapter 11

Each time Lena came into the lab Kara was waiting by the door like an eager puppy. After that she would follow Lena around the lab, only leaving when the suit team needed her for testing.

“Where’s your shadow?” inquired a scientist one day.

Lena looked back, surprised herself to find the girl gone. She hadn’t heard her being called away for a test. It wasn’t even time for one of the many scheduled tests. She’d been so focused on her work she hadn’t even noticed Kara leave.

Where could she have gone?

Though she had work to do, Lena left the lab as she did a quick search of the base. Eventually she found her in the kitchen area, her arms full of snacks.

She smiled as soon as she spotted Lena, presenting the armful of food to her as she said, “For you.”

When Lena started to turn her down the girl shook her head, her blonde locks swishing back and forth, “You haven’t eaten all day. Eat.”

Though she didn’t need to, Kara worried about Lena. Just yesterday she’d propositioned Lena to share a bed.

The interaction had gone like this.

It was late. Lena was tired and could feel herself nodding off as she tried to finish up before leaving for the day. Kara looked as bright and perky as she had at the beginning of the day.

Lena rubbed at her eyes tiredly as she told the girl, “It’s getting late.”

Kara perked up, “Oh, you want to get me in bed.”

Lena also perked up as she took a moment to make sure she’d heard right, “Um, not, I’m trying to get you to go to your bed.”

Kara’s mouth pulled to the side in a frown, “Yes, that is what I said. You are trying to get me in bed.”

She took a breath to calm her heart, “Yes, exactly.”

Out of the corner of her eye she watched Kara get up and walk out of her peripheral view. A moment later she was startled as Kara leaned on the table next to her.

“You go to bed too. I can’t sleep unless you are there.”

Lena dropped the pen she’d been writing with, “What?”

Kara looked concerned as she touched Lena’s hand. Her hands were warm, and though Lena wanted to let them linger, she knew if she did she might want more.

She turned away, using the excuse of checking on a sample to get herself away from Kara and her soft touch.

Kara followed her, “You worry about my sleep schedule, but I won’t sleep unless you join me.”

“You mean, share a bed?”

Kara looked confused as if Lena was the one whose first language wasn’t English, “No, I mean you sleep and I sleep. But if you want to share a bed, I do have one here so you don’t have to make trip all the way to scientist’s quarters.”

Lena hated how long it took her to turn down the offer, but finally she did.

Now, in the present, Kara continued to show her concern for Lena’s health by making sure she ate. And by the way she held out the food to Lena, she knew the girl would not let it go.

Letting out a tired sigh Lena accepted the offered snack as she took a seat at one of the tables.

As she munched on the granola bar she noticed the alien’s eyes were fixed on the break room bulletin board. There were several notices for when the fridge would be cleaned out, reminders about safety precautions. Someone had also hung up an image of a beach scene.

“What is that?”

“It’s a beach. Did you not have beaches on your planet?”

Kara beamed; it was like she only had two settings, sun and—well, she only had the one setting.

“We did. They just didn’t look like that.”

Lena let out a sigh as she stared at the image. It was an especially beautiful picture and reminded her she hadn’t had a break since—not since middle school.

“Have you been?”

She shook her head, “I haven’t been to a place like that in forever. I’ve been too busy to take a vacation.”

Worry. That was the girl’s other setting, as Lena was reminded by the way her brow furrowed with concern.

“You should. Relaxing is as important as work.”

Lena smiled at the seriousness in the girl’s voice.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

She took one last snack from Kara’s arms before heading off. For now she had far too much work to focus on anything else.

___

Lena came into her office the next day, head down, eyes fixed on the file in her hands. She staggered for a moment as the ground beneath her feet shifted. Lowering her eyes she found she was walking on sand.

“How did this get here?”

As she spoke the question aloud she started to notice the light music playing in the background. Her eyes widened as she found the white walls of the room were covered in the image of an ocean scene. There was a pool in the corner with a blow up palm tree and a bamboo stand with island drinks.

Kara was standing in the other corner dressed in a flowered shirt and board shorts and smiling like she’d just invented beach wear, “Welcome to the island!”

Lena frowned, setting the file down on her desk, which had been shoved against one side of the room to make room for the beach décor.

“Kara, what is this?”

“You can’t go to islands so I brought the islands to you.”

Lena couldn’t help but laugh. The girl’s excitement reminded her of a simpler time. Back before she had so many responsibilities and could enjoy life.

When had that been?

Oh yes, never.

She took one of the fruit cocktails on the cart, “Are these alcoholic?”

Kara shook her head, “We are still at work.”

“Too bad.”

A rush of air, then Kara was back holding a bottle of vodka, “Janet keeps this in her desk.”

Lena laughed as she held out her cup so Kara could pour.

“Do you get drunk?”

Kara shook her head.

“Shame,” she sipped the drink then motioned for Kara to add more, “If I’m on vacation I’m getting plastered.”

The blow up pool had a pineapple shaped floaty resting on the surface of the water. She got on as Kara turned on a sun lamp after handing Lena a pair of shades. She smiled as she put them on, leaning back as she took another sip of her drink.

“This is the life.”

Kara floated in the air next to her, sipping her own drink.

“What were the beaches like on your planet?”

“They were rocky, with crystal blue waters and red sand. When I was younger I would go there during breaks with my family.”

From the way her smile faded at the end, Lena guessed that though a pleasant memory, it also reminded Kara that those times were over.

“If you could go back would you?”

Kara took a shaky breath as she sat up to clutch her knees to her chest, “I can never go home.”

Was she a fugitive?

But she had been so young when Lena had first met her.

“What happened?”

“My world was destroyed. I am the only survivor,” her jaw flexed as she stared at the sandy ground.

Lena winced as she recalled having heard that about Superman’s planet.

Realizing she’d dropped the mood, Lena splashed some water in the pool at the alien. The girl looked surprised, shocked as she gave her an open mouthed expression. It took Lena back to her childhood, when Kara had the same reaction when she’d hit her with the snowball.

Lena smiled as she splashed her more.

“I do this nice thing for you and this is how you treat me?” asked Kara with a smile that said she was joking.

She floated to the back of the bamboo bar, coming back with a plate of cake which she aimed at Lena threateningly.

Lena held up her hands as she begged, “Don’t. Please don’t. Wait, what’s with the cake?”

“I hear it’s a favorite beach snack.” She didn’t notice Lena’s confused expression as she said, “I was hoping we could eat cake by the ocean.”

Lena felt her face flush as she recalled the meaning behind the euphemism. But from the smile on Kara’s face she doubted the girl knew exactly what she was saying.

“You eat me?”

Lena’s heart rate increased as she choked out, “What?”

“You eat with me,” Kara looked confused as she held out a fork to Lena.

She took the fork, trying not to think too hard about all the implications of eating Kara’s cake. The girl wore a happy expression as she let out a loud “mm” when she took her first bite.

“So moist.”

Lena shoved a fistful of cake into the alien’s face. Kara let out a sharp gasp.

“What was that for?”

Lena ducked as Kara tried to do the same to her. While Kara missed, Lena ended up knocking herself off the pineapple floaty as she fell into the water.

“Hah, that is what you get,” Kara pointed and laughed, “Now you are all wet.”

Lena let out a tired groan as she let herself sink back into the water, a smile coming to her face as she forgot all about family and her life before Kara. 


	12. Chapter 12

Lena accompanied Kara to the next suit test. That day they were loading in a new weapon.

As she entered the room, Lillian gave her a hard look that said she did not appreciate her presence. She even said as much as she asked, “What are you doing here?”

“I just came to watch.”

The room they were watching from was lead lined with a plate glass window that looked into the testing room. The scientists working on implementing the new weapon were all dressed in protective gear as they carried a lead lined box into the room with the suit. Setting it down, one of the men pulled out a pair of large forceps as the other scientist opened the box. There was the sound of pressure releasing as steam issued from the box before it cleared enough to see the contents. A red stone was housed inside, an eerie red glow coming off it. As Lena frowned with recognition the scientist with the forceps reached down to pick up the red rock.

“Be careful with that,” instructed Lillian over the comms, “The red Kryptonite is highly unstable. If you drop it, it will explode and we don’t have another one this big.”

Lena turned her frown on the woman as she said, “Lex told me he destroyed all the red Kryptonite.”

Lillian returned her confusion with a sneer, “Your brother doesn’t tell you everything.”

Just then the scientist was sliding the red Kryptonite into the hole in the chest with the laser. After he’d set it in place he let go, moving the forceps away. As soon as he did the Kryptonite slipped from the holder as it started to fall.

Everything seemed to slow down as Lena watched the stone fall at the same time Lillian called out for the scientists to catch it. One tried but moved too slow as the stone fell past his grip.

Lena pictured the stone hitting the ground where it shattered into a thousand pieces that would explode out, smashing into the glass and punching holes through the scientists. Before that could happen a hand grabbed the stone just before it could hit the ground.

The relief that Lena felt was quickly washed away by a wave of panic as she realized who had caught the stone.

Kara had been standing beside her, safe within the lead lined observation room. But now she was on the other side of the glass, holding the stone with a relieved smile. That relief quickly shifted to anger as red veins crawled up the length of her arm and along her neck as she let out a feral snarl.

An alarm went off as Kara turned, batting away the two scientists when they came at her, sending them flying into opposite walls where they left dents before sinking down to the ground, unmoving.

Lillian had already rushed from the room as Lena watched Kara turn her eyes on the glass.

Her eyes weren’t the ones she had seen on that snowy day. They were filled with a new emotion: not sun, not worry, but rage.

A blood thirsty rage.

Lena cried out as glass shattered around her. The force knocked her back as she felt her back hit the ground. From her position Kara seemed to tower over her like a hellish threat.

The alien’s firsts were clenched at her sides, one hand still gripping the red kryptonite as the veins on her arm throbbed. She let out a great scream before turning a glare down at Lena. It was like she wanted her at peak fear before she ended her life.

But the attack never came as her shoulders heaved with each breath.

Why wasn’t she moving?

Why wasn’t she attacking?

The girl let out another scream as she reached up to grip the sides of her head. It was like the girl was engaged in a battle in her mind, the red kryptonite battling the Sunny Kara.

As the battle raged in her head, Lena sat up, turning her head as she looked back at the door. She could escape. She could get away while Kara was distracted. But as she looked back at the girl, her face screwed up in a look of pain, she knew she couldn’t leave.

Hesitating for only a moment, she touched Kara’s arm as she told her, “You can fight this. You are not this way. You are good, you are kind, you are gentle. And you would never hurt me.”

The words choked in her throat as she recalled Andrea having made a similar promise to her. But in the end she had hurt Lena the worst.

Forcing the thought from her mind Lena let her hand slide from Kara’s shoulder down the length of her arm as she gripped the girl’s hand in her own. Kara’s hand was still gripping the kryptonite tightly as Lena pressed her hands on either side of the fist.

“I know you don’t want to do this. Let it go. I’ll take care of you.”

Kara still had her other hand pressed into her forehead like she was experiencing a terrible migraine. But this was something more than light sensitivity.

Lena pressed in closer, her heart pounding in her ears as she considered her next course of action.

It wouldn’t take much for Kara to grab her then, snapping her in two like it was nothing. And it wouldn’t take much for her to wrap her arms around her and crush her. Even knowing this Lena did not feel any fear.

This was because she did not focus on the anger in Kara’s face, but remembered the smile she’d warn the day she’d plucked Lena from the snow. The excitement in her eyes the day she’d spotted her across the college dance floor. The feeling of being lifted into the air when they’d reunited at the lab.

It made no sense for her to be this calm. She had made red Kryptonite and knew it had the ability to turn Kryptonians into cold blooded killers. But stronger than that, she knew that deep down that wasn’t who Kara was.

All she had to do was go digging.

“Kara.”

The name came out like a breath as she reached up, touching the sides of the girl’s face as she directed her to look at her.

“Let it go.”

Anger was still etched in the girl’s face, making her features sharp as she glared at Lena.

She knew she should be afraid. She knew she should be running from there. Instead she smiled as she brushed the thumb of her hand along Kara’s cheekbone.

“I trust you.”

With that she leaned in fully as she pressed her lips against Kara’s. The girl’s body went rigid as she felt her mouth move into a snarl, but soon her lips softened as she felt Kara’s body relax into hers.

In her chest it felt like butterfly wings fluttering as they brushed against the walls of her chest, trying to get out, to fly across the expanse to get to the flowers she knew bloomed in Kara’s heart.

Lena accommodated the butterflies as she pressed in closer to Kara as she felt the girl’s hand slide around her waist, pulling her even closer. Lena’s arms were wrapped around Kara’s neck as she felt the girl lift her up, the red stone pressing into her side as Kara wrapped her arms around her waist. Then she felt nothing but the heat coming off them as they were lost in the feeling of each other.

In that moment the lyrics to Close by Nick Jonas started to play like the soundtrack to the moment.

Oh damn, I’m so perplexed

Just one breath, I’m locked in

On that, it’s almost shocking

I know you’re scared

Your heart, your mind, your soul, your body

They won’t be careful

But I guess that you don’t know me.

Cause if I want you, and I want you, babe

Ain’t going backwards, won’t ask for space

Cause space is just a word made up by someone who’s afraid to get too close.

So close.

I want you close.

And Lena wanted Kara then closer than close.

Before she could make it happen she felt the stone fall away from Kara’s hand as it slid along the length of Lena’s leg before tumbling harmlessly to the ground.

The bang that came after that was from a gun as Lena felt Kara’s body shudder against hers. The girl stumbled back as Lena’s eyes took in the dart in her shoulder. Another shot and there was a dart in her thigh, then her arm. Kara fell to her knees as she let out a growl.

As another shot rang out Lena picked up the stone, moving back from Kara as armored guards rushed past her, hurrying to Kara as they grabbed her before she hit the ground as they bound her arms and legs.

She heard someone next to her ask something as she turned to look at them, her blood pounding so loudly in her ears she could only hear muffled sounds. A scientist held out the lead lined box as she handed over the stone, watching as it was placed in the chest, looking like a heart as it seemed to throb for a moment before the lid was lowered and it was locked away.

Locked away like her own heart had been.

Like it would remain.

Though it had worked out with Kara, the experience reminded her that the girl could break her in more way than one. She had managed to avoid disaster this time, but it would not take much for her to crash. And she was not going to let that happen.

Not again.

Once the stone was locked away she felt anger rise in her chest. She did not need the stone to feel the emotion, just needed the knowledge that it existed to turn her ire towards her brother.

Once again she had been betrayed, but this time she was ready to stand where before she had crumbled. Because this time it wasn’t just about protecting herself.

____

Lex wasn’t in his office but she was able to pull him up on video chat. As soon as his image was up she held up the lead box as she opened the lid so he could see the red stone held within.

“Lex, what is this?”

Lex’s mouth twisted in a grin, “Lena, we both know what that is.”

She slammed the lid shut as she set he box off to the side, “Don’t play coy with me.”

The man’s brow furrowed with concern, “Stasia, be careful. We both know how volatile that stone can be.”

“Yes, Lex. I know. I saw up close how volatile it can be with the way Kara reacted to it.”

“Snow came in contact with it.” He frowned as he reached off screen, holding his phone up as he scrolled through a series of alerts, “Is that what all these were about? I hadn’t had a chance to check them.”

“Lex, you told me you were going to destroy the red Kryptonite. I told you how dangerous it was. How unstable. Both as a stone and when in contact with Kryptonians. You assured me you would destroy it.”

Lex gave her a look like she was being an unreasonable child.

She hated the look.

“Now, Lena, you are thinking about this too emotionally. When I presented the stone to mother she ran tests and found far more uses for it. Especially when used against Kryptonains.” He held up his hand before Lena could object, “I know it makes them unstable, impossible to control, but it also makes them reckless. I know it seems dangerous, but it also makes them stronger. You remember the history of the Vikings and how their berserkers would take a special plant in order to make themselves stronger. It was a last ditch effort and sometimes a last ditch effort is all we have to survive. I agree with Lillian, it would not be wise to get rid of something that might help us in our darkest hour.

“Trust me. I’m keeping the little red Kryptonite I have under lock and key and I’m only using it for a very special purpose.”

She frowned as she felt her nails dig into the wood of the desk, “Lex, what are we actually doing here in this lab? You say we are making things to protect humanity, but I’m starting to think you are only building these things for yourself.”

Another arrogant smile as her brother inquired, “Am I not part of humanity? If I’m going to build something it’s should be something that can benefit me, or what’s the point? Oh, don’t give me that look. All of humanity is like that. You think they work on cancer cures for the benefit of others. No, it’s so if they end up sick they can have a cure. And in the mean time they can make a handsome profit.”

Lena slumped back into Lex’s chair. She just couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t that she was stunned at what she was hearing, but that it had taken her this long to realize that her brother was not this selfless altruist. He only ever did things for his own benefit, even inviting her there had not been because he had seen her struggling and wanted to help.

Yet again she had been let down by someone it was all because of her misconceptions about people.

She could not rely on her brother anymore. He had let her down. Betrayed her.

Science was her only friend now. Her only family. Unlike people, her work would never betray her.

And yet again she was reminded, “I am alone.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Lena,” Kara was wearing Kryptonite bands around her wrist. The green veins covered her neck and jaw, a haunting reminder of when the red lines had covered her face just moments ago, “I’m so sorry. I—I did not want to hurt you.”

Lena’s jaw flexed as she considered her whole life up till that point, “No one ever does.”

Kara stepped closer, stopping short as her hands reached out before dropping.

“What are you doing?”

“Packing my things. I’m leaving.”

Kara finally closed the space between them, standing at Lena’s shoulder, her voice breaking as she begged, “Please don’t leave me. Lena please, I love you.”

She let out a heavy sigh as she flattened her hand against the cold surface of the table. “I can’t return your feelings. I’ve been hurt too many times.”

“But I’ll never hurt you.”

Her eyes drifted to Kara’s face, the green veins throbbing. “But you could. You could destroy me.”

Kara looked hurt as her eyes dropped to the ground. She knew best how close she had come to crushing Lena.

Lena turned away, looking at the things she had gathered as she took…nothing. There was nothing that she wanted from this place.

She left.

___

For a year Lena tried to find work elsewhere. She got a few projects, but they all eventually fizzled out due to lack of funding.

Even when she was out of work she was firm in not working for Lex again. When he tried to contact her to ask her if she was ready to come back she ignored him.

At the end of the year she got a phone call from the second to last person she wanted to hear from: Andrea Rojas.

Her ex was head of her father’s company now and “hoping we can put the past behind us.” She wanted Lena to come work on her new project. The project was for a pair of fiber optic lenses that would allow people to access a virtual reality network.

After relaying all the specs to Lena, Andrea said, “You know, I’m really sorry about how I handled the whole thing.”

“It’s in the past,” from the way she clenched her jaw Lena knew that wasn’t entirely the truth but, “I’m only focused on my work now. Nothing else matters to me. “

With that decided, Lena joined on with Obsidian North where she worked for six months on the VR lenses project.

At the end of six months she received a summons to see the CEO on the top floor of the building.

As the elevator doors opened into the office she stepped inside, expecting to find Andrea waiting for her. Instead she found Lex standing at the window, a smug smile on his face as he turned to face her.

“What are you doing here?”

He motioned to the window as if inviting her to join him, “I wanted you to see the fruition of all our work.”

She frowned, “Lex.”

He let out a tired sigh, “Why do you have to be so objectionable, Stasia? After all I’ve done for you.”

‘You’ve done nothing but lie to me my whole life. Just like father.”

“Don’t be dramatic. Have you forgotten how much I’ve done for you? How much I’ve supported you. Even now with this,” he motioned to the room. The company, “The only reason Andrea invited you was because I insisted I wanted you on the team.”

“And why would she care what you think?”

An arrogant snort, “Because I own half the company.”

Lena’s jaw flexed as she realized yet again she’d been betrayed by Andrea.

He motioned again for her to come closer as he looked out the window, “It’s really a shame you didn’t stay on the Red Sun project. You were a vital addition. If it fails now it’s because you didn’t see it through to the end.”

She frowned as she stepped over.

“What are you--?”

Her question trailed off as she noticed a flash of blue and red shoot across the cityscape. A moment later the blur paused as Superman floated in the air. Part of his suit was torn. Lena soon realized why as a blast of green shot across the air towards him. She followed the blast back to a familiar suit.

Her heart was in her throat as she choked out the name, “Kara.”

She turned on him, “Lex, what are you doing?”

Lex’s smile was chilling, “I’m just pitting gods against god to see which one will come out on top. Either way, today I take down a god.”

The blast of Kryptonite energy made Superman drop for a moment before he recovered, flying right at the suit as he smashed into it. Punches were exchanged, great hits that caused the air to vibrate around them.

One of the hits sent Superman flying back into a body, as Lena watched glass fall like stars to the street below. There were people gathered on the streets, cheering as they watched Superman regain his senses as he flew at the suit again.

“What do you hope to accomplish?” inquired Lena, “Right now you are the villain attacking their hero.”

Lex sneered, “That will change soon enough.”

Off to the side Lena noticed a video feed of the fight. Lex had a drone following the supers as they fought all around the city. Eventually the pairs battle came back in front of the building as Lena shifted her eye from the video screen to the window.

Though Superman’s skin was covered in green lines from the beams he’d taken, he was still going strong as he grabbed the super suit, sending it flying down to the ground.

Lex’s jaw flexed as he watched Superman float down to the spot the suit had landed. She noticed him reach into his coat, a smug smile breaking out as his nostrils flared in triumph.

“Five minutes till Superman dies.”

She did not understand the change in emotions, or the confidence in his voice, as she turned her eyes back to the fight.

“He’s going to kill her. You need to stop this.”

“Calm down, Lena. You act like you actually care for the alien.”

Lena pressed her lips together. Even having fought the emotion, she knew her brother was right. She did care for Kara.

Her hands pressed to the glass of the window as she watched Superman grab the super suit, lifting it up as his fingers crushed the metal in his hand. He looked to be saying something as his eyes glowed red in threat.

“Three.”

Lena looked at her brother, panic making it hard to breath.

“Two.”

“What are you--?”

“One.”

Her eyes went back to the scene as it took her a moment to notice things had changed. The world seemed off. It took her a moment to understand what it was—the sun, the sun was putting out a red light.

Lex looked triumphant as he glowered down at the scene below, “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this moment. The day I take down Superman,” he turned his smile towards her, “And it’s all thanks to you, Stasia. You are the reason we are going to succeed. All thanks to you and your little snow angel.”

She felt sick.

With the red sun having weakened Superman some the suit was able to knock him back. Superman stumbled for a moment, but was still unreasonably strong as he sped at the suit, making it fly back into a building.

People on the street were panicked now, pointing up at the red sun as they looked to question the reason for the change in color.

”Lex stop this. You are going to get someone hurt.”

“They are not people, Lena. They are beings of infinite power come down to earth to rule over us. But I will not bow to any power but my own.”

Another hit from Superman sent Kara stumbling back.

“Please, stop this.”

Lex smiled, “Why? Things are just getting interesting.”

With that he reached into his jacket again, this time pulling out a remote. He pointed it at the pair as he pressed the button. A moment later she watched the green glow on the suits chest fade away, replaced by a red glow.

Her heart dropped even before the red beam exploded from the suit, hitting Superman square in the chest. Red veins joined the green, making Superman look like a Christmas tree as the lines traveled up the length of his body as the radiation infected his body. His mind.

Then with a look like he was letting out a feral scream he charged. 


	14. Chapter 14

Superman was going wild, pulling up concrete as he sent it flying at the suit. The suit dodged the rubble, only taking the hits when there were people in the path of the debris. Cars were destroyed, fire hydrants burst, as people ran in panic from the one they had just moments ago been cheering for.

Lena grabbed Lex’s hand, pulling at his arm as she told him, “Stop this. Please.”

He was unfazed by the break in her voice, his cold and stoic as he replied, “You always like to present yourself as some hero for the people, but if this fails because you threw a tantrum and left, it’s them who will be hurt.”

He motioned to the TV where the drone showed the image of people huddled in fear as the super suit stood between them and Superman as the Kryptonian raged.

“You act like you know what is best for everyone, like you know best how to save the world, but you don’t realize we want the same things. The problem with you is you are not utilizing your full potential.”

He turned his eyes back to the battle, “I am.”

Her jaw felt tight as she told him, “I am not going to let you make me feel guilty for not wanting to be a part of—of this,” she motioned to the wreckage, “This is madness.”

“Look at him,” it was like Lex couldn’t see anything other than Superman, “the great man of steel reduced to a raving animal. This is the man that the people praised, but look at them now. Now they run. Now they see the truth behind their savior. He is nothing more than a creature of destruction.”

“Because you made him that way.”

“Did I, Stasia? Or did I bring out what’s been there all along? You saw firsthand what red Kryptonite does to Kryptonians. When Snow was affected what did she do?”

Lena recalled the fear that had gripped her when she’d watched Kara fling the scientists across the room like they were nothing more than paper dolls. But when Lena had approached her Kara had been as gentle as always.

“But look at him,” Lex motioned down, “Snow showed restraint. Sure she hurt those scientists beyond recovery, but she did not hurt you. I bet if we put Lois Lane down there Superman would plow right through her like a runaway train and he wouldn’t bat an eye. That just goes to show that he is nothing more than a monster deep down.”

Lena’s heart ached as she watched the super suit continue to stumble under the monster hits from Superman. Even with the red sun shining above he managed to hit harder than an average man. But as she watched it looked like he was weakened, as the super suit started to get some hits in.

Lex let out a cry of pain as Lena punched his arm, “What do you think you are doing?”

“Stop this. Stop this now, Lex.”

Another hit from her made her brother grab his arm, “Really, Stasia, I expected better from you.”

“Turn off the red sun. Stop this fight. Stop everything.”

Lex was still holding the remote in his hand. She grabbed it as she started to press the buttons on it.

‘Lena, no!”

The red on the suit shifted back to green. She pressed another button as Lex tried to wrestle the remote from her. She pressed another button. The sun was still red as she pressed the final button.

“Lena!”

It took a moment but the sun started to shed its usual golden light. As soon as it did she turned, flinging the remote across the room as she watched it shatter against the wall.

Lex let out an agitated growl as he clenched his fists, “You—you’ve messed things up. The sun was supposed to weaken him so that the super suit could defeat him in spite of the red kryptonite driving him insane.”

Lena gave him a look like that didn’t matter to her. Lex slammed his fist against the glass, his expression hardening as he watched the battle below.

“It seems your efforts to save your precious Kara have only sealed her fate.”

Lena came to the window as she watched Superman’s hits grow stronger and stronger under the light of the sun. Stronger and more feral as the light on Kara’s chest continued to glow red.

Lena let out a startled gasp as she realized what had happened.

“Change it back.”

“I can’t. You destroyed my remote.”

“Tell Kara to leave. Retreat.”

He snorted, “No chance. The suit can still do some damage.”

Lena grabbed her brother but she could tell by the look in his eyes that he was not going to help her. As she watched the super suit crumple under the mega hits she realized that like everything else, even science had betrayed her, used against her by her brother’s nefarious schemes.

“Oh, don’t take it personally, Lena. Luthors don’t help others, they only help themselves. And trust me, this will help even you in the long run.”

Below Superman had grabbed the super suit, using his full strength as he crushed the suit in his arms. Once that was done he threw it up in the air as they both watched it fly right towards them.

Lena cried out as she dove out of the way, covering her head as glass exploded around them. When she looked up Lex was standing tall, triumphant as he extended his arms to the side.

“Time to finish this.”

He pressed a button on his watch as a suit flew from the back wall, encasing him in an identical suit.

Stepping out the hole she watched him float down to the ground through the shattered video screen. His chest glowed with a green light as he hit Superman from behind. This enraged the super as it started to charge at him. Another burst of green hit him, knocking him back as green veins traveled up his face.

Behind her, Lena heard electricity pop as she looked back to where the suit was lying motionless.

“Kara!”

She rushed over, grunting as she pulled the helmet off. The girl’s eyes were closed, a pale sickness to her features as red lines traveled up the length of her face. Unlike the synthetic green kryptonite, even shattered the red continued to glow. Jagged pieces of it remained in the chest plate as she pulled them free, tossing them across the room.

Tears streamed down her face as she lightly touched Kara’s face.

“Kara. Kara, wake up. Please. Please. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I let Lex do this to you. This is all my fault.”

A weak groan came from Kara as her eyes fluttered open, ‘No, Lena. Do not blame yourself. It is not your fault. Lex chose to do this. You could not have known.”

But she should have.

“I should have done something to stop him.”

Tears poured from her eyes as she cried into Kara’s chest.

That’s when she heard the cheers. Turning she watched on the video screen as Lex rose into the air, Superman’s cape clutched in his hand as the super hung limply from it.

“Superman is dead,” called Lex to the crowd, “You are safe.”

More cheers issued from the crowd who believed the lie he had just sold them.

Lena was surprised he didn’t stay to bask in the praise as he floated back into the room with her.

“Lena, come. Let’s celebrate our victory together,” his smile was arrogant as the suit floated off him, leaving him standing in his suit. He adjusted his tie as he then held out his arm for her to take.

She rose, tears still staining her cheeks, her expression hard as iron.

Pointing back to Kara’s motionless body she reminded him, “I helped you do this. Her blood is as much on my hands as it is on yours.”

He looked nonplussed as he adjusted his cufflinks, “If that’s how you want to look at it that’s on you. I was only using you, but if you want to blame yourself go for it. She accomplished what I made her for. Sure, she didn’t do as much damage as I’d hoped, but it was enough. I never needed her for anything more than that. This actually cleans things up nicely having both Kryptonians gone.”

Her head dropped as she realized he was right. He had been the one behind all this. The reason that Kara was lying dead on the ground.

“Enough moping, let’s go down and soak up the people’s appreciation.”

As she stepped close her brother smiled like he thought he’d won. But he’d lost the moment Lena had seen Kara fall from the sky.

Surprise showed in Lex’s eyes as he looked down at the shard of red Kryptonite jutting from his chest. He stumbled for a moment, looking like he couldn’t believe she’d just stabbed him. Her. His sister. The girl he had always underestimated. The girl he had never actually believed in. The girl he had always used was finally fighting back.

A cold sneer curled her lips as she asked, “What? With all your master planning you didn’t account for this? You *really* don’t know me as well as you think.”

When she was younger he had told her she wasn’t ready to compete with him, but now, “You are the one unable to keep up with me.”

He would be the last person to betray her.

As he slumped to the ground she turned back, her eyes falling to the form of Kara on the ground. She took a step, feeling suddenly weak as she choked out another apology.

“I never wanted this for you.”

She heard something behind her as she turned just in time to have the same red Kryptonite shard stabbed in her own chest.

“Actually,” growled Lex as he dug the shard deeper into her chest, “I did take this into account.” There were pink veins on his neck which throbbed as he explained, ‘It’s a super healing tonic. I took it just in case Superman put up more of a fight.”

Lena stumbled back, clutching at her chest, blood sticking to her fingers as she felt her pulse in the wound.

Lex clicked his tongue as his head shook, “It’s a shame. We could have accomplished so much more together. Goodbye, Stasia.”

There was a rush of wind as she heard her brother let out a choked cry.

Lena had dropped to her knees as she looked up from her wound over to find Lex lifted above the ground, neck tightly gripped in Kara’s hand. She stood free of the suit, a hard look in her eyes as she held the man aloft.

The hard look softened as her eyes flashed over to Lena, “Are you okay?”

“I will be. Once he’s gone.”

Kara nodded as if understanding what Lena wasn’t saying. Lex let out a single choked cry before the sound was cut off as his head separated completely from his body. The healing agent wouldn’t help him now.

Lena collapsed to her side, her body feeling cold, weak, as blood drained from her body into a pool in front of her. Another burst of wind and Kara was in front of her, kneeling at her side, “Lena. Lena what do I do? Tell me what to do.”

Blood was pounding in her ears as they rang over the sounds of Kara’s voice. She felt her body rise as her head spun then her vision went black.

She did not know how much time had passed before she heard the sound of various voices around her. She could still not make out the words as through the black there was a bright flash of light.

“Her heart. It’s been destroyed beyond repair. Lex was working on something, but we never found a powerful enough energy source.”

Lena grabbed the scientists arm as she groaned, “Kryptonite. Use the synthetic Kryptonite.”

“That could be dangerous.”

‘Either it works or it doesn’t.”

“We can try something else.”

She gripped their arm as tight as she could manage, “No. Do it. It will save me.”

Her eyes drifted to the back of the room where Kara stood, her face contorted with worry, “in more way than one.”

As she faded out she realized if she survived this there was nothing left for her to trust in. No one left but herself. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Kara relates the events of the next fire years.)

Lena worked the next few years to make up for all the wrong her brother had done. She changed Luthorcorp’s name to L-corp and used its research team to build more super suits she controlled by AI so everyone could be protected without prejudice. Eventually every country replaced their police force with the suits.

After that Lena developed a gene therapy that erased the bad side of people, making it easier for everyone to get along in a broken world. Wars decreased and people started to use their time for more productive and helpful endeavors.

Lena also finished developing Obsidian North’s VR optics which allowed people to live out their dreams in a safe environment.

While the world flourished, Kara became more and more worried over Lena’s state of mind.

The more things she developed, the more people she helped, the more miserable Lena seemed to become. Kara wasn’t sure how to help her. How to get Lena back to being that girl on the mountain.

The more time she spent with Lena the more she realized that even that girl had not been happy. There was something missing from her life and no matter how much she did she was never able to fill the hole in her heart.

If only Kara could find out what was her missing piece. The thing that would allow her to see the good in life and enjoy it.

“I want to help you, Lena. Please let me help you.”

Lena’s expression was hard, as deterring as the Kryptonite that glowed on her chest.

“I don’t need your help. I don’t need you. I don’t even want you. If that’s a problem for you then you can just leave.”

Kara stepped closer, her chest aching with the pain she saw in Lena’s eyes, “I’m not going to leave. I love you. And as long as you will let me,” she grimaced from the pain the proximity of the green rock caused her, “I’ll always be there for you. Even if you send me away, the moment you call me back I will be here.”

Lena did send her away on several occasions. But eventually she would call her back and as soon as she did Kara was there as if she’d been waiting. Because she had been. Waiting to help in whatever way she could.

“Why don’t you understand that I don’t want you in my life? I don’t need you in my life.”

“But I need you. You are the only thing I want.”

Lena’s mouth pressed into a thin line, “That doesn’t seem healthy.”

“I have other things I like. Other things I want. And I enjoy them. But I enjoy them most when you are with me. It’s like…salt. Eggs are fine on their own, but when you add salt the flavor is enhanced and it tastes so much better. You are the salt of my life, Lena. You just make everything better.”

Lena’s eyes turned away as her voice came out tight, bitter, “I don’t see how. I make life worse.”

“That’s not true.” Again she came closer, but was repelled by the glowing green rock. If only it wasn’t there. If she could just reach out and touch Lena, to hold her close, she knew she could convince her that everything would be alright.

When was the last time Lena had let anyone close? The last time she’d been touched.

“It is true. That’s why everyone leaves. Having too much salt in your life can be toxic. You can die. And it doesn’t take much of me to make people sick.”

Before she could object Lena turned away, “Just look at the world I’ve created. Everyone is miserable.”

“But you eradicated evil.”

“I eradicated free will. I’ve subjugated people, forcing them to my will. Just like Lex would have done.”

“You are nothing like Lex.”

“Am I not?” she turned back to look at her. Kara nodded confidently but Lena did not look to believe as she turned back to the window. Plexiglass. Even at the top of the tower there was still the fear that someone might try to take her out. “I purport to want what’s best for people, but when they don’t act in the way I want I force my views on them. I’ve killed so many people, Kara.”

Her voice broke as Kara stepped closer, again repelled by the nausea the kryptonite caused her.

“You haven’t killed anyone. You’ve brought people life. You’ve made areas where nothing would grow bountiful.”

Lena didn’t hear the last part as she reminded Kara, “You may have been the one to crush them, but I was the one to give the order. Their blood is as much on my hands as it is on yours.”

Kara frowned, looking down at her hands. It was true, not everyone had responded well to Lena’s efforts, but Kara was there to make sure they never hurt her.

“If you don’t want to do this anymore, if this isn’t the way you want to do things, you can change. You can turn off the device. At any point you can stop all of this.”

Lena let out a bitter laugh. A dark chuckle. “I can’t. I don’t even know how to stop.”

Kara pressed through her nausea as she moved closer, “If you want to stop, just stop. If you don’t know how to stop then all you have to do is ask. I can help you.”

She let out a snort, “No one can help me. What would you even do? How would you begin to help me change things?”

Lena turned back, startled when she saw how close Kara had edged to her. The closest they’d been in years.

“I have an idea. But first, Lena, before I can do anything you have to let me in. You have to let me get close to you.”

The glow of the Kryptonite pulsed like the beating of Lena’s heart as it shivered at the thought of letting her in, of letting her close.

She stepped back from Kara.

“No. No I can’t. I can’t let this happen. You’ll…no. it’s not safe. I don’t--.”

Kara pressed in further than before. The Kryptonite was strong, but her feelings were stronger, “I’ll never hurt you.”

Lena had let things go too far and didn’t know how to turn back. But Kara knew.

It was a last resort, but it was what needed done.

“It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to do this anymore.”

“Stay back!”

Kara could hear the fear in Lena’s voice but she knew now what *she* could do for Lena. Reaching out she took hold of the Kryptonite as she crushed it, destroying Lena’s kryptonite heart


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Lena relates the “true” events of the next five years.)

Lex had been right; Lena wasn’t using her full potential.

After his death she used the company funds to create more super suits she piloted through her AI Hope. With them she hoped to provide unbiased protection for people, not just from super powered foes but also from each other.

After the events of S-Day, what the public called the day Superman died, National City was eager to accept the extra protection in case anything else like that happened. With Lex gone people started to look to her for protection from the perceived alien threat.

She considered telling the truth about Superman and her brother, but realized her brother had been right: people turned on you quickly and they feared everything. Even more than aliens, humans were their own greatest threat.

Using Luthorcorps funds she got to work on researching a way to turn off the part of the brain that made people act terribly to one another. Eventually she came up with a gene therapy that allowed her to turn the most hardened criminals into paragons of a good and better society.

After all the prisons in National City were cleared out, the inmates cured, she moved onto spreading her work to other parts of the country. More and more cities had replaced their police forces with her suits she’d named Sentinels. Hope mostly kept the peace, but where extra force was required, Lena had Kara.

She did not trust the girl not to turn on her like everyone else had and so kept her on a short leash in the form of her kryptonite heart.

  
  


Of course not everyone agreed with Lena’s new way of doing things. There were criminal who avoided the gene therapy and tried to take down her sentinels.

Eventually Kara captured one of the higher-ups in the opposition force. Lena tried to reason with the man, tried to convince him this was the best thing for him and everyone, but he wouldn’t listen.

He pulled a gun, but Kara was faster as she grabbed the fun, crushing it and the man’s hand in her fist.

As the man cried out, Kara lifted him high, looking back at Lena as if waiting for her order. Her expression was impassive as she simply waited for Lena’s order. She never looked angry when she confronted Lena’s enemies. Instead she looked resolved to do what needed to be done in order to protect Lena.

Lena hated the look, but not as much as the look Kara gave her before Lena gave the order. It was a look that seemed to ask if Lena was sure this was what she wanted. The way she wanted to do things.

“You had your chance,” stated Lena as she turned her eyes from Kara to the man, “Once you’re gone I will dismantle the rest of your organization.”

‘No, please,” the man’s voice was choked as Kara tightly gripped his throat, “I’ll do it, I’ll do the therapy. I’ll change.”

This wasn’t the first time a man in his position had made this plea. And it wasn’t the first time this particular man had made the promise. He was one of the men who had volunteered in the National City prison system when she’d used the gene therapy there. She would need to find out how he’d reversed the process, but first…

Lena’s voice was cold as she told him, “If I had a nickel for every promise a man has broken I’d only have three nickels, because a man doesn’t break a promise with me and live.”

With that Lena gave the signal as she turned away just as a sharp snap came from the man’s neck as Kara closed her fist.

Lena would not feel guilty for what she was doing. She was helping people. Keeping them safe. Luthors might have only helped themselves, but she was not a Luthor.

Kara floated to her side, blood dripping from her fist, that look in her eyes like she didn’t think Lena was going about this the right way. But she was basically immortal. What did she know about the fear of having people turn against you? Of being betrayed.

If she did not like the way Lena was doing things she could leave. Just like everyone else.

But she did not go.

Why wouldn’t she leave?

She stayed even when Lena had her crush men’s chests.

Even when she had her gather up super powered people for experiments or for destruction.

Two years passed with Lena making her do increasingly more terrible things and yet Kara stayed. And each time she would give Lena that look of, “Are you sure this is what you want? Is this what will make you happy?”

It didn’t. 

___

The day after Lena’s Sentinels went global Lillian visited her for the first time since Lex’s death.

“Lex would be proud,” stated tee woman with a cold sneer.

Lena felt her fingers curl around the edges of the arm rests of her chair, “I am nothing like Lex. Lex would never have done what I have. None of this is for my benefit, everything I do is to protect others.”

Lillian laughed, “Don’t fool yourself, Lena. This is the same megalomania that filled your brother. You’ve just cloaked it in the guise of a savior complex. But you *are* the same as your brother.”

Lena leaned forward as if to lunge at the woman. Before she could a flash of black moved across the room as Lillian let out a surprised gasp as she was lifted into the air.

Kara held her aloft, both floating above the ground as Lillian gripped the Kryptonians hand as she tried to pull it free. But she would not succeed, the girl’s grip was as hard as iron. In the last few years Lena had not once seen anyone succeed at breaking free from her hold.

Lena rose from her chair, her face impassive as she watched Lillian’s face redden as she gasped for breathe.

“Tell me, Lillian. Be honest. Did you ever love me? Make me believe it.”

“Of course I…never loved you.”

“Thank you for being honest.” She made a sharp motion with her chin as Lillian’s head snapped to the side, her body going limp before it dropped to the ground in a pile.

Lena did not waste another look at the body as she headed back to her seat.

“May the Luthor name die with you.”

___

Lena had rebranded Luthorcorp years before, changing its name to L-Corp as she expanded the company’s research.

After everything with Lillian, after all the years of trying and failing to win her love, Lena realized that people did not change. Not unless you made them.

Up till then she’d given people the choice to receive her gene therapy. But now she used her Sentinels to gather people up to receive the therapy.

Of course not everyone agreed with her methods of making the world a better place. People protested, but her Sentinels and Super girl silenced the opposition.

Eventually a band of superheroes rose up. Vigilantes in hoods and metahumans with various abilities like super speed. Most were no match for her Sentinels. Those who got past them never made it past her Kryptonian.

With the opposition taken down her power and influence only grew until everyone in the world knew the name Lena Luthor.

This of course made her a bigger target to those who had avoided the gene therapy. Even with all her precautions and safe guards in place, people still tried to come after her. Some tried to take advantage of the moments of assumed weakness, like when she was in a crowd of people giving a speech, or when she was in the lab developing new technologies and cures.

In the end they all met the same fate, dying at the hands of her Kryptonian. Each of those times Kara would give her that look again, “Are you sure this is what you want?”

And each time she felt less sure of what she wanted. 


	17. Chapter 17

Lena had always fought the Luthor name, like it was something she could choose to do, like deciding what you would have for breakfast. But as time went on she realized it had always been her destiny to become this person. To accomplish great things only after falling into the darkness.

Lillian had been right, she was only walking in the shadow of her brother. Picking up where he’d left off. Succeeding where he’d failed. Seeing past his narrow vision for the world. And she did it all with the help of a Kryptonian. The alien race he had feared was Lena’s greatest asset.

And her greatest weakness.

Three years after Lex’s death she had come up with a way to replace her Kryptonite powered heart with an actual heart grown in the lab. But she kept the Kryptonite on a chest plate on her chest, using Lex’s tech which allowed her to shoot a Kryptonite powered beam from her chest. This would blast away anyone who came too near. After that Kara would dispose of those who survived.

Though Kara objected to her need to keep the kryptonite on her chest, “I love you. I will never hurt you.” Lena never believed her.

She had been hurt too many times by those who had claimed to care for her and she would never again let anyone into her heart.

With her new heart in place Lena grew more and more distant from the world as she buried herself in her work.

Her bed was left empty at night as she spent all her time in the cold sterile lab.

She completely removed herself from the world, going out less and less as the years went on. She would use her Sentinels to take care of the unrest, having replaced all the police and military forces with the AI controlled suits.

She would contact her financiers through video chat and would provide press conferences via previous recordings.

She locked herself up in her L-Corp tower where she felt like a princess. A cursed princess.

But if she was honest she wasn’t a princess, more like a dragon guarding its hoard of emptiness alongside her lonely knight. Her bewitched knight, because why would anyone stick around her if not because of a spell. A spell conjured from some memory of long ago that Kara had yet to let go.

But Lena was no longer that girl she’d met on the mountain.

That girl had perished beneath the snow.

_I hurt myself today_

_To see if I still feel_

_I focus on the pain_

_The only thing that’s real._

__

No matter how far she buried herself in the snow, in isolation, Kara always found her. It was like their hearts were magnets, drawn to one another.

It had been weeks since Lena had sent the super away before she found herself pressing the button on the watch she’d made to all the girl to her.

As soon as she pressed the button a wind blew across the room as Kara appeared in front of her. She was beaming as always, looking at Lena as if she were her sun.

_I will let you down_

_I will make you hurt_

“Lena,” Kara said the name like a breath. Like a prayer just between the two of them.

The longing in the girls voice made Lena’s throat ache as she turned away.

“I need you to move that.”

She carelessly pointed to a table which she realized a moment after she’d pointed to it was made of plywood. Walking to her chair, she sat down, acting like she was unbothered by the simplicity of the request as she flipped through the notes on her computer pad.

Kara did not question her as she simply lifted the desk, holding it aloft as she inquired, “Where do you want it?”

Lena had forgotten how perfectly the suit she’d made for Kara clung to her body, accentuating the lines of her arms in a way that made her skin tingle.

Her mouth felt try as she licked her lips before dropping her eyes to the computer pad.

“Over there,” she waved off to the side.

She did not hear Kara move, but when she looked up she found the girl floating above the new spot as she set the desk down.

She had also forgotten how it made her feel to see Kara floating above the ground. It was a show of power that made Lena breathless as she recalled how much more the girl could do with her body.

Like crush Lena.

She frowned as she gripped the sides of her pad tightly.

“Do you need anything else?”

Kara sounded eager as Lena felt her lips press into a tight line, “No. That will be all.”

There was still no sound but when she looked up she found the girl had not moved. Her brow was furrowed in confusion as she said, “You just asked me here to move furniture?”

“Yes. So?”

“You could have had one of your assistants do it.”

“I don’t have an assistant. The last one tried to kill me.” She frowned as she glared at the formula on her screen, “Some people apparently are immune to the gene therapy. A whole faction is rising up of people working to “save” the world from me.”

_What have I become_

_My sweetest friend?_

_Everyone I know_

_Goes away in the end_

Ignoring everything else she had said, things Kara already knew, she floated closer to Lena as she reminded her, “You could have had a Sentinel move the desk for you.”

“That would have been a waste of resources.”

“And having *me* do it wasn’t?”

Lena slammed the tablet down on the table as she glared at Kara, but no more excuses would come to her.

Why had she called her there?

Her heart throbbed in her chest as she looked into the cerulean eyes of the girl she had once thought of as a glowing angel. It was then she realized the reason: loneliness.

For a moment she felt the urge to rush across the room, to leap into Kara’s arms. Arms that she knew would catch her. Arms that would hold her close and make her feel safe, secure. Before reality kicked in and she was crushed in those arms.

She had seen the reality of that fear play out many times before with her enemies.

As her heart pounded in her chest she realized she had yet again been betrayed, this time by her very own heart.

The organ wasn’t thinking of all that could hurt it as if none of that mattered more than feeling Kara’s arms wrapping around her waist again. Feeling her lips press against hers.

It had been so long. Felt like decades, centuries, since she’d felt her soft lips against hers. Felt anything other than fear and anger.

Lena let out a frustrated cry as she stood, pushing away from the table as she strode across the room.

Kara’s eyes followed her, her voice soft as she asked, “What’s wrong?”

_I wear this crown of thorns_

_Upon my liar’s chair_

_Full of broken thoughts_

_I cannot repair._

Lena reached back, pulling out her tight bun before rubbing at the back of her head as she felt it throb with the beginnings of a headache, “Everything. Everything is wrong. I can’t trust anyone.”

She looked back. Kara’s eyes were down as she wore that expression Lena hated. Hated because of the way it made her heart ache.

“You can trust me,” came Kara’s the soft reply she always gave with that expression, “You can always trust me.”

Lena slammed her hand against the window’s glass. Plexi glass, because even several thousand feet in the air she didn’t feel safe, ‘No. I can’t. I especially can’t trust you.”

Saying the words sent a sharp pain through her chest as she could feel the pain in Kara’s gaze behind her.

Stupid heart.

Stupid feelings.

Why couldn’t she control them?

Why couldn’t she stop herself this longing ache in her chest? Stop the burning behind her eyes that made her want to collapse in a pile and cry. To cry until she had run herself dry till she was nothing more than a pile of dirt in Kara’s arms. 

_And you could have it all_

 _My empire of dirt_

“No,” she pushed back from the window, “Stop. I don’t want this.”

Kara had moved closer during the time she’d been distracted. Lena moved away, heading back to her desk.

“Lena what’s wrong?”

Lena swatted away her concern, “Stay back. Don’t come closer.” She motioned to her chest where the Kryptonite pulsed.

_the needle tears a hole_

_The old familiar sting_

_Try to kill it all away_

_But I remember everything._

Kara stepped back, lowering the hand she’d reached towards her, “Lena, please, don’t push me away. I only want to help you.”

She shook her head, feeling her pulse quicken in her chest as her mind spun frantically, “No. I don’t want you here. Go. Leave!”

_beneath the stains of time_

_The feelings disappear._

____

__Usually Kara lingered a moment before obeying, but this time she stayed._ _

___You are someone else___

 _ _ _I am still right here._ _ _

__“I will go, if that’s really what you want. But I don’t think it is what you want.”__

__Lena let out a frustrated cry as she slashed at the air. She didn’t know what she wanted. What she needed. All she knew was—all she knew was PAIN!_ _

__She screamed, letting her throat go raw with emotion as she expelled it all: the sadness and confusion she had felt since she was a child. Had felt since her family had lied to her, making her think she’d only imagined Kara._ _

__She roared as she expelled the pain and sadness she had felt when Andrea had ended their relationship and immediately started another with someone else._ _

__She howled about the betrayal she had felt when Lex had used her work to hurt people._ _

__She bookended it with another scream that made her feel like her vocal chords were shredding._ _

__None of this was what she wanted._ _

__She didn’t want to live this way. To feel this way._ _

__Tears stung her eyes as she found Kara was still standing there, closer than she’d stood in years. Closer than Lena felt comfortable._ _

__“Stay back!”_ _

__A shot of green burst from her chest, blowing apart the table next to Kara. Green veins flashed across her skin but she did not move._ _

__“I’m not here to hurt you. I want to help you, Lena. Please don’t push me away. Let me in. let me help you.”_ _

__Lena dropped to her knees, barely registering the pain in her knees as the ache in her chest was greater._ _

__What was it that she was missing?_ _

__What would make her life feel complete?_ _

___If I could start again___

___A million miles away_ _ _

___I will keep myself_ _ _

___I would find a way_ _ _

__A shadow fell over her as she looked up to find Kara standing the closest she’d been in years. She held out her hand, her fingers just close enough that all Lena had to do was reach out to touch her.__

__“Let me help you.”_ _

__Lena was up in a moment, moving back from the hand as she screamed, “Stay back!”_ _

__Her voice gave out halfway through so all that came out was a choked, “Stay.”_ _

__It was a fear filled order as she felt her body shake at the thought of what Kara could do if she did not stop. Terrible things that she’d seen the girl do to her enemies over the years. Things she’d made Kara do. Things Kara never would have done on her own. Things she’d only done to protect Lena. To help her. To make her happy._ _

__But did not deserve to be happy._ _

__As if sensing the weakness in Lena growing Kara floated in closer. Lena stepped back again, feeling her thighs knock into her desk as heart rate increased._ _

__Green veins covered Kara’s face, her hands, but she did not stop. Finally, for the first time since Lena had seen her in college, Kara’s feet touched the ground. As soon as they did she stumbled, faltered, but she kept coming, her hand gripping her side as her teeth gritted with pain._ _

__Lena reached back, fumbling for something, anything she could use as a weapon. Her hand paused as her eyes met Kara’s._ _

__She could blast her again. Send her flying before calling in the Sentinels to finish her off. But as she considered this she realized this was something she did not want to do. Curling her fingers into her palm she rested her knuckles against the smooth desk as she made her decision._ _

__“Fine. Just do it. End me. Here. Now. Put me out of my misery.”_ _

__Kara reached out, touching the Kryptonite housed above Lena’s heart. The very thing that kept them apart all these years._ _

__That wasn’t true. As Lena could see now, it was not the Kryptonite that had kept Kara from approaching her, but Lena herself._ _

__Now as the girl gripped the stone, Lena heard her let out a groan of pain as her hold tightened. A crack formed along the surface of the stone as Kara continued to squeeze as more lines formed along the synthetic Kryptonite’s surface._ _

__With one final crack the whole thing fell apart, crumbling apart in her hands as the green glow vanished as the stone became inert._ _

__Kara looked to relax, taking in a long deep breath as Lena felt her own breath quiver in her chest._ _

__This was it. The moment she had been waiting for since that time in the lab when she’d realized the full extent of Kara’s power. And now the super girl would do what everyone else had done, betray her._ _

__But Kara didn’t do anything right away. The pause agitated Lena as she finally snapped, “Now that you’ve gotten rid of the barrier, what are you going to do with me?”_ _

__She tried to remain strong even as she felt herself shake as Kara reached out for her._ _

__Her fingers were nearing her throat. Of course Kara would take her out the same way she’d taken out all the other Luthors. It was a fitting fate, destroyed by her own creation._ _

__Instead of wrapping her fingers around Lena’s throat, Kara slid them through the hair at the case of her neck as she pulled her in close, pressing her lips to hers._ _

__Lena’s heart didn’t know what to do with the information as it jittered and stalled with the influx of emotions. With that her whole body gave out as she felt her legs collapse beneath her. Instead of falling, Kara’s hands kept her upright as they pressed into the small of her back. With that the two started to float._ _

__Even after the kiss ended Kara remained close so that Lena could see the specks of green in the blue of her eyes._ _

__“I don’t want to hurt you, Lena. I never will hurt you. I love you.”_ _

__It wasn’t until her heart had been shattered by the very girl she had feared that Lena realized that everything Kara had told her up till then had been true._ _

__She had been the only honest person in Lena’s life and she had put so much energy into keeping her away._ _

__All she’d ever wanted her whole life was to find someone who genuinely loved and accepted her without any ulterior motive._ _

__As she gazed into Kara’s eyes she finally realized that this person in front of her was the one she’d been searching for. The girl who had fallen from heaven to be with her._ _

__Lena felt her heart flutter in her chest like a hopeful butterfly still lived there. Still longed to fly across the expanse to the flowers of Kara’s heart._ _

__“The only reason I’ve ever wanted to get close to you is so I could show you how much I care,” said Kara, “You don’t have to separate yourself from me to protect yourself. I’ve only ever wanted you. From that first moment on the mountain you’ve been the center of my life.”_ _

__Everything Lena had feared, everything she had believed to be true about Kara flew away in that moment as she pulled Kara to her, kissing her deeply as she let herself hope again. Hope that there was actually someone out there she could trust._ _

__She felt lighter, laughing as she realized this is what it must have always felt like for Kara. Kara scooped her up, holding her bridal style as she planted another kiss on her lips._ _

__“Let’s just leave,” stated Kara._ _

__“Where would we go? Everyone knows us.”_ _

__“Not out there,” Kara motioned to the sky with her chin, “everyone down here fears us, we’ll never find peace on Earth. But out there, among the stars, we can start over. Just the two of us.”_ _

__She wrapped her arms around her neck as she smiled brightly, “Yes, let’s just run away together, forever. We can leave the world to figure out how to go on without us. It’s managed this long without us.”_ _

__Kara smiled, “Even if it does end up going up in flames I don’t care as long as I have you.”_ _

__Lena smiled as she let herself get lost in Kara’ loving gaze. As she looked into the only eyes she wanted to look at for the rest of her life._ _

__“As long as I have you I have everything I need.”_ _

__Smiling, Kara rose higher, angling her body so that they flew up and away towards the stars._ _

__Towards the darkening sky and the permanent night that was space._ _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know technically kara can’t fly among the stars without her super suit, but for poetic purposes let’s just imagine and forget all the logistics actually involved in space travel. The two lovers would have quickly realized they’d need transport and would have obtained it before making their escape.]
> 
> Song is Hurt by Johnny Cash rearranged song to fit with story beats


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile in the real world...

_Alex greeted Kara as soon as she had landed._

“Kara, I--,” her sister’s voice broke as she turned away, unable to look her sister in the eyes as she delivered the news.

Kara pushed past her, finding the monitor beside Lena flat lining as the girl lay there quiet. cold. Gone.

But not completely.

‘Hook her up to this,” ordered Kara as she shoved the Obsidian North dream optics machine at Brainy, “And make it fast, we only have a few minutes.”

She pulled over another bed as Brainy got work setting everything up.

‘Kara, she’s gone,” stated Alex with a shaking voice.

‘She hasn’t been gone that long. You taught me that a brain has seven minutes after flat lining before the real damage starts to occur. Right now her brain is still active.”

“Maybe,” stated Alex sharply.

‘Even just a little activity is enough. I have to go. I have to try to bring her back.”

Alex shook her head, “All that’s left is dying embers.”

‘It doesn’t matter. I have to do this, Alex. I have to save her.”

Kara lay back as she told Brainy to hook her up.

Brainy paused as he looked back at Alex.

“Alex, please. I’m going to get her back. I need you ready for when I do.”

Her sister did not look confused by the confidence in Kara’s voice.

‘This is insane, Kara. We lost her. I’m sorry, but you can’t go.”

‘It’s the only way. I have to fix whatever the bullet did so I can bring her back”

“If you go in now there is a chance you won’t make it back. I don’t know what will happen to you if you are in there when her brain shuts down completely.

“it doesn’t matter. She’d come after me. I have to at least try to save her.”

Brainy looked at Alex as if waiting for her go ahead to start the machine.

Her jaw flexed as she looked to consider all her options.

“Please, Alex. You know you’d do the same for Kelly.”

The break in her sister’s voice was the thing that broke Alex as she gave Brainy the go ahead.”

“Just come back to me, Kara. Please.”

But the girl was already gone, off into the world of dreams. The final arena in the fight to save Lena’s soul.

 ______

__Darkness__

__Darkness_ _

__Voices around her speaking her name. Echoing, growing distant. Faint, as she felt herself fall deeper and deeper into the night._ _

__Into a hole._ _

__Down._ _

__Down._ _

__Down into nothing._ _

__Into the abyss._ _

__The realm of the dead._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next and final entry in this series is in the works. Hopefully won't take too long.  
> Hope you enjoyed this part. I'm going to go find some chocolate now to lift my spirits, lol


End file.
